


Something Different

by Lovely_Sunshine_22



Series: Something Different, Something New [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angel Mating, Angst, Bottom Castiel, Case Fic, Drunk Dean Winchester, Guilty Dean Winchester, Kinda, Lonely Castiel, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Omega Angel Castiel, Omega Castiel, Pregnant Castiel, Regretful Dean Winchester, Rimming, Sad Castiel, Slow Burn, Top Dean, Virgin Castiel, Wet Dream, also kinda - Freeform, graphic birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-13 13:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15365661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovely_Sunshine_22/pseuds/Lovely_Sunshine_22
Summary: When Castiel goes into heat, he goes straight to the bunker in look of shelter. There he finds a very drunk Dean Winchester who's captivated by the angel's sweet scent. As the two fall into bed with each other, neither of them realize how this one night would change everything.





	1. Heat

“Dean,” Sam called after his brother, who was stomping down the stairs of the bunker. “Dean, wait.” Sam grabbed Dean’s shoulder, turning him so he was facing him. “Dean. It’s not your fault. You couldn't have done anything to save them. You did you best in an impossible situation!” Sam tried to reason with his brother.

 

“Yeah well, my best just wasn’t good enough,” He grumbled, his father’s words haunting him.

 

He pulled out of Sam’s grasp and trudged off into the bathroom to take a shower. He needed to wash off the blood of those innocent people. Their screams echoed in his head as he walked. He could have saved them. But he just wasn’t quick enough. He knew that losses came with the job, but that family- they didn’t deserve to die. Not like that.  

 

He needed a drink.

 

~~~

  


Castiel felt like he was on fire. His whole body was burning up and his wings twitched violently. This was his first heat in a vessel, and it was by far the most painful. He could feel his grace changing his insides, pushing them around and adding new ones. This is what he gets for keeping an empty vessel. Or at least not getting a female one.

 

Usually Castiel would have gone to heaven during his heat but that wasn’t really an option anymore. Castiel needed to get to the Winchesters.

 

~~~

 

He stood in front of the bunker, seeking shelter from any other angels that might be able to catch his scent. He attempted to open the door to find that is was unlocked. As he descended into the bunker he heard a quiet giggle and then a scoff. He furrowed his brow at the unfamiliar noise, looking around to try and find the source.

 

He walked into the library, clutching his abdomen, when he saw a figure slumped over one of the desks, holding a bottle of some kind of alcohol. When he stepped into the library the figure- who he had now identified as Dean, shot up, smelling the air around him. Dean looked at Castiel as he made his way over to the obviously drunk hunter.

 

“Heeeyy Cas,” Dean slurred, grinning at his friend.

 

“Dean,” Castiel said sympathetically as he picked up the bottle of whiskey off the table, “You shouldn’t drink like this.” He tried to reason. Castiel looked at Dean with sad, but assertive eyes.

 

Dean mumbled something incoherently under his breath- Castiel sighed.

 

He helped Dean stand up from where he was slouched over the table, “Come on. Let’s get you to bed,” Castiel grunted as he slung Dean’s arm around his neck to hold him up. He slowly dragged Dean down towards the living quarters.

 

When they had gotten to about a door away from Dean’s room, Dean stopped and pushed Castiel up against the wall.

 

‘ _Oh god, not now. Please, anytime but now_.’ Castiel pleaded silently, his mangled wings twitching in anticipation and arousal.

 

Dean leaned forward inhaling Castiel’s scent, “Mmm, you smell good, angel.” He said as he started to grind his hips against Cas’. Castiel’s breath hitched at the movement. Castiel couldn’t focus on anything but how amazing the clothed friction felt; but it was wrong. Dean wasn’t in his right mind.

 

Dean…” Castiel said weakly, halfheartedly trying to push the broader man off him.

“D-Dean, you don’t want this-“ Castiel’s sentence was cut off by a moan, as Dean started nipping and kissing down his jaw to his neck.

 

“Dean. Dean you’re drunk.” Castiel managed to choke out.

 

“Oh, I’m sober enough, Angel.” Dean whispered into his ear, sending shivers down Castiel’s spine, and fuelling his arousal.

 

“Dean, you wouldn’t- ah. You wouldn’t want this if you weren’t inebriated.” Castiel tried to reason with his drunk-friend.

 

“Oh yes I would. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this,” he purred into the angel’s ear, “you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to see you come undone beneath me, writhing, moaning, _begging_ me for more, more, more...” He bit Castiel’s earlobe, making Castiel groan deep in his throat, before returning to his sensitive neck. The hunter made his way down his neck, leaving red blooms in his wake.

 

“Are- are you sure?” He asked weakly. He needed Dean’s full consent to carry this out, or to let him carry it out. He couldn’t go through rejection tomorrow morning, when Dean decides he didn’t want this.

“Of course, Angel.”

 

Dean reached up and kissed Castiel passionately. The kiss wasn’t sweet or loving, it was lustful and desperate; teeth and tongues clashing. Years of pining and waiting, Castiel poured it into the feverish kiss.

 

Dean licked into his mouth as his hands were running up and down Castiel’s sides, trying to map out every inch of the angel’s body. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, pulling as close as possible- but it didn't feel close enough.

 

Dean pulled up Castiel’s thighs, so he could wrap his legs around Dean’s torso.

 

Together they stumble over to the door to Dean’s room- which unfortunately was closed- still connected by the lips.  Dean fumbled with the knob, his back against the door, trying to open it. When he finally managed to, he softly kicked the door wide open and backed up into the room.

 

Dean turned around and pushed Castiel down onto the bed and closed the door. He returned to the angel he had left on the bed and admired the sight before him.

 

Castiel laid there on the bed, trench coat pushed slightly off his shoulder, cheeks flushed, lips red and swollen from being kissed, his raven black hair ruffled up; just waiting to be pulled, and his big ocean blue eyes staring up at Dean, waiting for his next move. Dean could get used to seeing this.

 

Dean pulled off his flannel shirt and tossed it to the side. He crawled up the bed towards Castiel; kicking off his sock and shoes, leaving them on the floor at the end of the bed.

 

Castiel shrugged off his trench coat and suit jacket, pushing them off the bed, toeing his footwear off simultaneously.

 

Dean towered over the angel, kissing down Castiel’s jaw, all the way down his neck, whilst pulling at his tie. It came off fairly quickly, as did their other clothing; it piling up on the floor by the bedside. They had little patience at this point.

  

Soon enough they were both naked, lips connected in a harsh kiss, their hands roaming, and their hips grinding down on each other. Their hard cocks rubbed together, causing friction.

 

  “D-Dean…” Castiel keened as Dean left a trail of marks down his collarbone. These marks would last, Castiel was going to make sure of it. He wanted these marks; every sign of Dean's claim on him, he wanted.

 

“Tell me what you want, Angel.” Dean said huskily, giving Castiel’s nipple a kiss.

A strangled moan escaped Castiel’s lips, “Please. Please Dean,” The angel begged, not really knowing what he wanted. He wanted something- he needed something.

 

“What. Do. You. Want.” Dean took Castiel’s nipple into his mouth and sucked on it, eliciting a deep moan from Castiel’s throat. He couldn't take it anymore.

 

“Please, I want you. All of you. Everything, anything you wish,” Dean stared down at him, still waiting, “Dean, I-I want you inside of me,” Castiel pleaded shyly.

 

Dean hummed at the request. He went to open the drawer to get some lube, when Castiel grabbed his hand, “No need, naturally wet,” He managed to choke out.

 

Dean raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t think too much of it; he was too drunk and too high on arousal to care.

 

He slowly moved his hands down Castiel’s back, scraping the skin lightly, making Castiel shiver.

 

His hands slipped all the way down his back, down to his ass. Dean slipped his hand down Castiel’s crack- and to his surprise, was responded with wetness.

 

He pulled his hand away, which made Castiel whimper at the loss of contact and spread his legs as much as he could- presenting himself to Dean. He wanted to turn around and get on his knees for him but he also wanted to see Dean's face.

 

“Eager, are we?” Dean chuckled at the angel’s enthusiasm.

 

Dean groaned as he saw the slick leaking out of Castiel’s hole. He had no idea how it was happening, but it was the hottest thing he’d ever seen; so he didn't really care. He leaned forward and licked a stripe up Castiel’s ass, and moaned at the sweet taste. Castiel gasped at the odd sensation, but how could he possibly interfere when it felt _so_ good.

 

He licked around Castiel’s puckered hole, and the angel writhed and moaned beneath him.

 

Dean kept licking and nipping at Castiel, dipping his tongue in and out, feeling the inner walls of Castiel’s channel. He flattened his tongue on Castiel’s ass, before thrusting it back in. Castiel’s rim was so sensitive; at every touch, the angel moaned so sweet and encouraged the hunter to continue his ministrations.

 

Castiel made a small noise of disappointment as Dean pulled his tongue out. Castiel looked down at the man in between his legs. Dean smiled up at his angel as he came up to catch his lips in a kiss. Castiel could taste himself as he eagerly kissed back, thrusting his hips forward so their erections rubbed together; making them both moan.

 

 “Dean,” Castiel moaned, “Dean please.” Dean pulled away from Castiel.

 

“What, do you want me to fuck you? Fuck you until you scream? Fill you up with my big cock?” Castiel groaned in response, and Dean smirked at his reaction.

 

“Would you like that? Tell me how much you want me.” Dean challenged. Castiel made a strangled noise.

 

“ _Dean_ , O _hhh-_ Please, I want you, I always want _you,”_ he pleaded.

 

“Yeah, sweetheart. I'm gonna make you scream so loud that every angel in heaven will know you're mine,” The hunter growled.

 

Dean reached down in between Castiel’s legs and circled two fingers around his hole; teasing him.

 

“Dean, stop tea-“ His sentence was cut off into a long moan as Dean stuck two fingers into his already loose hole. Castiel had never felt anything as amazing as the burn of Dean’s think fingers.  

 

Castiel muttered incoherently as Dean's fingers slowly entered him. Dean got up to his third knuckle when he started pumping. He pushed in and out, Castiel fisting the sheets as if it was his only life-line.

 

Dean scissored the hole until it was loose enough to add a third finger. Castiel was losing it, he was fucking himself back down on Dean’s fingers, clutching at the sheets and chanting Dean’s name as if it was the only word he knew.

“You look so beautiful like this.” Dean confessed, “God, I love you. I love you so much. I love seeing you like this. I’m the only one who gets to see you like this.” He growled.

 

“Yes, of course Dean, only you. It’s only ever been you.” Castiel whimpered, barely loud enough for Dean to hear. But he heard it, alright.

 

When Dean decided Castiel’s hole was loose enough for him, he pulled his fingers out, scooping some slick out with him on the way out. He took his rock-hard length in his hand and stroked it a couple of times; preparing himself. He looked down at his debauched angel and smirked.

 

He took Castiel’s legs and placed them on his hips, “You ready angel?” Dean asked, his cock teasing Castiel’s rim.

“Yess Dean, please just. Fuck me.” Castiel said impatiently. Dean didn't hear Cas swear that often, but Jesus, was it hot.

 

Dean groaned as he slowly entered Castiel’s tight, wet heat.

The hunter paused as he bottomed out, letting Castiel adjust to the fullness inside of him. Castiel’s jaw hung open in pure bliss, he’d never felt anything like it. He loved the feeling of being stretched beyond comprehension. He wanted to stay like this forever, but he needed Dean to move.

 

“Move,” Castiel growled, and that was all Dean needed to hear before he started to pound mercilessly into Castiel.

 

While Dean kept thrusting in and out of Castiel, Castiel was gasping and moaning, clawing up Dean’s arm, until he reached his shoulder; where the handprint used to be. Castiel felt his grace reach out to Dean.

 

“Oh, fuck. Dean, uh, uh- ah~” The angel cried.

 

He could feel Dean inside him, all of him; every move he made, as he slid in and out of him. Dean grabbed Castiel’s hips and hitched him upwards plowing straight into his prostate. Castiel arched his back and screamed out as waves of pleasure coursed through his body.

 

Dean never knew how loud Castiel was in bed, but now he couldn’t get enough of it. He wanted to hear all the noises he could get from the man underneath him.

 

Dean could see Castiel come undone from his doings, but what he didn’t see was Castiel’s wings twitching slightly as they started glowing. Castiel knew what this meant but he was too absorbed to the feeling of Dean inside him, bringing him ever closer to the edge, to even think about the consequences.

 

Castiel felt his wings dim down, and something started shifting inside him. That’s when he felt Dean slip in further, deeper than before. Castiel knew exactly where Dean had entered, and what could happen if-

 

His thoughts were cut off as he screamed out in ecstasy, as Dean hit something inside him. Castiel came, untouched all over their stomachs; clenching around Dean, pulling him over the edge as well. Dean emptied his load into the angel, praising him, telling him how good he was, how beautiful he looked. Dean kept thrusting unrhythmically as they rode out their orgasms.

 

When Castiel finally could think again, he felt Dean slip out and roll off him. Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel’s waist and pulled him close, inhaling Castiel’s enticing scent. Which Castiel found weird, since only other angels or compatible mates could _really _smell his scent. He chuckled; Dean was a compatible mate for him. Hopefully ‘This’ was a little more than just a fling to Dean. Especially since his grace has already started mating with him.__

____

 

____

The two fell asleep like that; in each other’s arms, clutching each other as if when they let go this would all disappear.

____


	2. Shock and confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda really excited for this story so I'm posting another chapter. Yeeee

  
  


The morning after was the most awful moment in the entirety of Castiel’s long life. As Dean woke up with Castiel cuddled up against his chest, remembering the events of the night before; he freaked out.

 

He jumped out of the bed telling Castiel that ‘this’ was just a mistake, that he didn’t love him as he had claimed the night before, he had just been “Drunk and horny”. He told Castiel  _ never _ to speak of it again.

 

Castiel felt tears burn his eyes as he watched Dean quickly scrounge up his clothes, desperately trying to put them on. Castiel had been stabbed, shot, cut, kicked, tortured and killed; but nothing had brought him as much pain as this did.

 

Dean didn’t love him. He didn’t need him. Dean didn’t care for Castiel as Castiel did for him. Castiel always knew that this was going to happen; but nothing had prepared him for the truth. And it hurt, the truth hurt.

 

After Dean had left the room, Castiel pulled his knees up to him chin, letting it rest on top of them. He felt a tear fall down his face. His worst fear had come true; his worst nightmare. And it was so much worse that he imagined. One thing was knowing his love was unrequited, another actually  _ experiencing _ it. Tears were streaming freely down his face before he could stop them and frankly he didn’t have the willpower to stop them. He didn’t have the willpower to do anything, he just sat there naked and vulnerable on the bed, crying.

 

Castiel was broken.

  
  
  


~~~

  
  


Dean ran out of the bedroom as fast as he possibly could, not wanting to face what he’d done. He had had sex with Cas, his best friend, the love of his life, and then said it was a mistake, that he didn’t love him.

 

The devastated look on Castiel’s face will haunt him for eternity. 

 

He felt his stomach twist at the thought of Castiel’s reaction. He felt horrible. Castiel had just told him that he loved him, and Dean used him and then told him his feelings weren’t reciprocated. 

 

He ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. He just needed a quick shower and forget this ever happened.

 

He got undressed and stepped into the shower. He felt warm water wash over his face and chest. He took a deep breath to try and clear his mind.

 

It didn’t go as planned. Dean mind was suddenly flooded with the events from the night before. The look of pure bliss on Castiel’s face as he thrust into him. The feel of his tight hole around him, milking his cock. Castiel screaming out his name as he came. Dean tried to shake these thoughts, but he just couldn’t. He had loved it, and he was hard even before he could stop it.

He cursed himself for being so stupid. He fucked up, massively. He’d finally gotten what he’d always wanted, and he threw it all away, all because he was too emotionally constipated to actually admit the he loved his angel. 

 

Dean punched the wall of the shower, cracks forming in the tiles. He choked down a groan as his knuckle started bleeding. 

 

Dean saw the blood from his hand spill down the shower drain; watching in sick pleasure as the think liquid swirling in the bottom of the shower. 

  
  


~~~

  
  


Dean made his way into the kitchen where he found Sam sitting by the kitchen table, nose-deep in some newspaper; probably looking for a case. God, Dean needs a case more than anything right now. Well, except for coffee.

 

Dean walked over to the cupboard, pulling out a mug and turning on the coffee machine. He leaned up against the table, facing Sam and arms crossed as he waited for his coffee. His mind wandered back to Castiel. 

 

“Um, Sammy?” He said to get his brother’s attention. All he got in response was a small ‘Mm-hmm?’.

 

“Have you seen Cas at all?” He asked, trying to sound as non-conspicuous as humanly possible. 

 

Sam turned to face him, “No, I haven’t. Did he come last night?” He asked curiously, putting down the newspaper. 

 

As soon as he said that, Castiel shuffled into the kitchen. Dean looked at the angel. 

 

He had gotten dressed into his usual get up; white shirt, blue tie and his over-sized trench coat, which Dean secretly loved. His hair was a bit messier than it usually was; Dean knew exactly why that was, and his eyes were a bit puffy and rimmed red. He had been crying. He’d never seen the angel cry before.

 

Dean felt his heart clench; he had done that to Castiel. He was the reason for his misery. A false smile was plastered on his face as he sat down at the table, wincing slightly as he sat down across from Sam. 

 

“Mornin’” Sam returned Castiel’s smile, not seeing it was a false one. 

 

“Good morning, Sam.” Pause. Castiel cleared his throat, “I was wondering if I could stay here in the bunker for a little while. As much as I don’t want to burden you, I have nowhere else to go.” Castiel licked his lips as he looked down at his lap. 

 

“Of course, you can stay here Cas, you’re family. Stay as long as you want.” Sam said sympathetically. “I know it’s none of my business, but is there a reason you need to hide out for a while? Something we should know about, or could help with?” Sam asked cautiously, not wanting to push his boundaries. 

 

“It’s um- It’s ah- it’s angel, stuff…” Castiel mumbled, seeming a bit flustered or embarrassed maybe.

 

Sam raised an eyebrow at the answer but didn’t push Castiel any further. They sat there in an awkward silence, Castiel looking behind Sam, his eyes sad and his eyebrows arched. Sam turns around to see what he’s looking at, and saw that he’s looking at Dean. Always looking Dean. 

 

Dean on the other hand was struggling not to stare back. He couldn’t. He didn’t deserve the way Castiel looks at him. He doesn’t deserve Castiel’s loving stare after the pain he’s caused him. Not just this morning, but since they’ve met. 

 

Castiel has done anything and everything for Sam and Dean; he’d lost his wings, his family, his  _ life. _ And how does Dean repay him? Yeah, by fucking him and then breaking his heart. Good job Winchester. 

 

Dean took his mug of coffee and stormed out of the kitchen. 

 

“Okay, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning,” Sam commented on his brother’s behaviour. Sam looked back at Castiel, who was awkwardly picking at his nails and chewing his bottom lip. 

 

Sam knew that the angel often acted weird, but not this kind of weird. Had something happened between Castiel and his brother? Dean didn’t seem to be as ecstatic as usual when Castiel asked to stay in the bunker.

 

“Uh, Cas?” Sam asked the seemingly uncomfortable angel. Castiel looked up to meet Sam’s curious stare. “Is everything okay? Between you and Dean, I mean. Or just in general.” Sam asked. 

 

Castiel visibly tensed at the mention of Sam’s brother, but answered as calmly as he could, “Yes, everything is fine. Things are just a bit ‘Complicated’ as you say,” Castiel said believably. “It is not of import. If you require my assistance, I will be in one of the guest rooms.” Castiel stood up and nodded his head once towards Sam before walking away.

 

Now Sam was convinced something strange was going on.

  
  


~~~

  
  
  
  


It was about a month after Dean had told Castiel he didn’t love him, and it hadn’t gotten any easier for the angel. It still hurt to think about how, the person he loved, the only person he had ever loved, the person he’d done everything for, didn’t love him. With the look Dean had given him, he’d go so far as to say Dean felt disgusted with the sight of him. But he hoped to anyone who was listening that that wasn’t the case.

 

Sam and Dean were off on a hunt when Castiel felt it. He felt sick, physically sick. It was all a blur. He was reading peacefully in the library and the next thing he knew he was standing over the toilet retching into the bowl. 

 

Castiel didn’t know what had happened, angels couldn’t attract any illness. So, what was wrong with him? 

 

That wasn’t the last of these ‘symptoms’. During the next week, Castiel felt hunger, thirst and the need to urinate. If he didn’t know any better, he would say that these were indications of humanity- even stronger than when he had felt them as a human. The nausea and vomiting making it even more mysterious. He had an idea of what it  _ could  _ be, but he was praying it wasn’t. It would only end in tears.

 

Castiel sat on the bed in the bedroom he had claimed as his own, as he used his grace to check for any injuries or anything of the sort. 

 

He checked his head, chest, arms, nothing. Nothing was off, everything was working in top condition. But as he scanned his abdomen he sensed it.  It was Grace. But not his Grace. And a soul, not like the ones from purgatory, but a still developing one. 

 

Castiel’s eyes shot open and he audibly gasped at the news. He was with child. Castiel had found it rather strange how his heat had stopped so early. Especially since Dean didn’t have a knot, and couldn’t knot him. 

 

 He slowly placed his right hand over his abdomen. He couldn’t believe it- he was carrying Dean’s child. Oh Father, he wasn’t even mated. His grace had tried to reach out to Dean during intercourse, but Dean didn’t notice and Castiel’s grace faltered. That’s what he  _ thought _ was the reasoning for the dampening of his powers, and it was. His child only accelerating the transition. 

 

An angel’s grace only tries to bond with the angel's truemate. Dean had been Castiel’s truemate. If an angel tries to mate with someone and they reject them, the angel’s Grace slowly dies down- it takes a while- but eventually it fades. Like what happened to Miniel.

 

Castiel backed up so his back was flushed against the headboard. He took a deep breath as he sat cross-legged on his bed; trying to make sense of and process all this information. 

 

He was pregnant with Dean’s child, who didn’t love Castiel like Castiel loved him. This child is a Nephilim, an abomination in the eyes of heaven. His Grace will start to fade soon enough, and he will fall, but it should sustain him through the birth of this child that could possibly end all of existence. But if this child is half-Dean how could it possibly be evil.

 

But it was also half-Castiel. It was a mix between Castiel and the person he loved the most. Castiel smiled sadly as a tear spilled down his face.

 

Not before long, Castiel was sobbing into his hands. He had never felt so miserable. Dean would hate him if he found out. And it’s not like Castiel could get rid of it, even if he wanted to. He had to make sure Dean never found out. But how would an angel in a male vessel give birth to this child. There has never been an angel who has carried the child of a human before- this was all new territory. 

 

Castiel knew it was selfish, he knew that all too well. But if Castiel knew Dean correctly- which he did, this was the last piece of Dean he would ever have. 

 

He was going to do anything to keep his and Dean’s child safe. 


	3. A what?

 

It had been ten weeks since Castiel had found out he was heavy with child. Dean and Castiel sat in the library, opposite sides of the table, searching through news feeds- looking for new cases.

 

Dean had just come back from his sixth hunt this month, looking for another one. Sam insisted that he and Castiel should join him. Castiel was getting worried about Dean. He’d been off on hunts non-stop ever since the incident. Castiel couldn’t help but feel at fault for Dean’s absence. 

 

“Hey guys, I found one.” Sam said as he stepped into the library; holding his tablet in one hand and a folded newspaper in the other.

 

The angel and the hunter both looked up as Sam sat down across from them, “Great, let’s hear it,” Dean said, gesturing to Sam's tablet. 

 

“Okay so, two families have been attacked in their homes, and quote on quote ‘Held down by a magical power,’ while they watched a family member get disassembled and/or verbally abused.” Sam stated.

 

Dean and Castiel stared at him quizzically. “Okay, but who was attacking them?” Dean asked, Sam had intentionally avoided that till now. 

 

“Apparently, they were all sitting in the living area when this purple light had burst through the window and “Possessed” one of the family members.” Sam finished.

 

“Okay, so we’re looking for some kind of Demon then?” Dean asked raising an eyebrow- they hadn’t come across a new monster in a while.

 

“I don’t know, demons are usually smoke, not light? What do you think Cas- Cas?!” Castiel had paled, and stood abruptly and ran out of the library. 

 

Sam and Dean gave each other looks of utter confusion and worry- before they ran after him, following him into the bathroom where he was hunched over the toilet promptly throwing up into the bowl.

 

Sam kneeled next to Cas, placing a hand on his back and rubbing in a circular motion. Dean on the other hand stood back, not wanting to over-step his boundaries.

 

Castiel stopped vomiting actual food and was mostly dry-heaving when Sam spoke, “Dude, are you okay?” He said as he helped Castiel stand back up. He rubbed his eyes free of tears, he’ll never get over how painful vomiting is.

 

Castiel groaned as he wiped his mouth, “Yes, I am fine. It’s just that- um, Angel thing, I was talking about.” Castiel half-lied. 

 

“Are you sure? Because last time I checked, Angels don’t just throw up out of nowhere.” Sam questioned. 

 

Castiel brushed him off, “I swear, I’m fine.” He wobbled over to the sink and washed out his mouth to get rid of the awful taste. 

 

He finished and turned off the tap, “Now, are we going to go and find this purple glowing light or not.” Castiel said before strolling out of the bathroom like this happened everyday- leaving behind the two  _ very _ confused hunters. 

  
  
  


~~~

 

The car ride over to Rockford, Illinois was quiet- only sound was Dean humming along to the song playing on the radio. Castiel loved listening to Dean sing. He was always so content when he sung. 

 

Castiel sat in the backseat rubbing his bearly swollen stomach. His stomach had expanded slightly over the last 3 months, but nothing too extravagant. He was sure that when he became noticeably larger he’d have to use his grace to conceal his stomach; but it was going to be a while until that happens. 

 

He had managed to sneak a meal out of the kitchen every now and then, to sustain the child, but it was getting harder, he was getting much hungrier, much faster now. 

 

Sam had almost caught him grabbing a pizza slice from the night before, but he had quickly turned invisible, so Sam didn’t see him. He had been relieved, he didn’t know what he would tell him- probably something among the lines of; “It’s the angel thing, I now require sustenance.” But that might make them suspicious.

 

He was just thankful that his child got to eat. He smiled out of the backseat window. He had gotten used to the fact that he was carrying a child. But the part that was hard for him to wrap his head around was that it was Dean’s child. The righteous man’s child. He’s already grown quite fond of the bright soul growing inside him.

 

He has never really known how to act around children, small infants or other humans for that matter. But he hopes that, if he- no,  _ when _ he carries it through term that he will be a good parent, and Dean will let him keep him or her. If Dean ever finds out.

 

~~~

  
  


Dean was having a lot of issues with himself. He found it nearly impossible to focus on anything, because his mind kept going back to Castiel. Not just the guilt over fucking him and bolting, but also not talking to him at all. Dean’s been doing his best to avoid the angel at all. 

 

Whenever he’d look at Castiel, his mind would go back to that night. He was struggling to keep his mind out of the gutter. It was becoming somewhat of an extremely prominent issue.

 

It was not just during the day. At night, he would be actively trying to dodge the images and dreams about Castiel, Castiel and him. Screwing. Not just that night a while back, but new scenarios, in the back of the Impala, over the kitchen counter, even out in a fucking field. His brain would not stop. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the dreams, that was the exact reason why he felt guilty. 

 

Because then he wakes up and realises that it wasn’t real, and will never be because he’s too fucked up to actually tell Castiel his feelings like a normal human being would. He wouldn’t be surprised if the angel never wanted to talk to him again- after he left him.

 

He gripped the steering wheel, so his knuckles turned white. They were about 2 miles out from the city. It would probably take them about 10 minutes to get into the city and find a motel to stay at. 

 

Dean looked at Cas in the rear-view mirror. He looked so peaceful. He was leaning up against the window, hand splayed over his abdomen and smiling a soft smile- undifferentiated to the one he gives Dean. 

 

Dean smiles at the sight. But the image quickly shifts into a memory. A memory from the morning when Dean ran out of his room leaving Castiel all by himself. The look of utter loss played across his features. The kind of look that makes you want to go comfort him instantly, like his puppy had been kicked one too many times.

 

A wave of guilt came crashing down on Dean. He is such a fucking asshole. How could he do that to Cas, his best friend, the person he loves the most? He mentally slapped himself for being so thoughtless. How did he ever think that things could go back to normal?

  
  


~~~

  
  


Dean woke up to light snores coming from his right. He sat up in his bed- noting that Sam wasn’t in his bed to his left. As he checked to see where that snoring came from, he saw a flash of tan curled up on the small sofa in their motel room. 

 

Castiel was sleeping on the sofa. The  _ ange _ _ l _ was sleeping, Dean panicked. Why was he sleeping? Angels don’t sleep. Was this why Castiel had to stay at the bunker? Why didn’t Cas tell him?

 

Well, he knew why- Dean hadn’t been very approachable the last three months, so why would he try to talk to Dean about this? Maybe he had, and Dean didn’t listen, because of his own problems. And why did the angel look so damn cute when he slept? 

 

Dean shook his head. No, he can't call him cute, he doesn’t have the rights to do so. 

 

He rubbed his eyes as he threw his duvet off him and quietly got out of bed. As he walked over to the kitchenette the front door opened, and Sam came tip-toeing in. He was holding a paper bag and a tray with three cups of coffee in it. Dean walked over to his brother and snatched the bag out of his hands. Sam rolled his eyes as he followed Dean over to the small table in the room. 

 

The two sat down and Dean emptied the contents of the bag onto the table. Sam had gotten Dean a breakfast burrito and himself a salad wrap. Dean opened his burrito and took a bite. Sam was looking behind Dean, at Castiel.

 

“Uh, Dean? Have you noticed anything strange about Castiel recently?” Sam asked his brother who was stuffing his face with food. Sam saw a flash of panic wash over his brother’s face, before turning neutral. “Ah, no. I can’t say I have.” Dean lied. He  _ had _ noticed how strange Castiel had been acting.

 

“So, you don’t notice him  _ sleeping _ behind you?” Sam said almost sarcastically, nodding towards the angel. Dean turned to look at him. Guilt consumed him immediately, so he looked away. 

 

“I- um, I don’t-“ He was cut off by a soft groan from behind him. Both he and Sam looked back over to the sofa where Castiel had sat up. He rubbed his eyes and stretched upwards, showing off a sliver of skin by his hips. He was wearing one of Dean's old t-shirt under his trench coat. A weird combination but they didn't comment on it

 

Castiel stood and made his way over to the table where the brothers both sat silent. He sat down and yawned. Dean blinked a few times in confusion. How was Castiel so calm about this? Did he sleep often now? Maybe he’s turning human? 

 

Dean’s thoughts were interrupted by Sam, who spoke- “So, um Cas. You- you feeling alright?” He asked cautiously. Castiel nodded, “Yes, I am well. Thank you for your concern.” He said politely. 

 

Sam mumbled a quiet ‘okay’ before he reached over and grabbed the third cup of coffee, and gave it to Castiel. “Here, I got you one too. If you want, I mean.” Castiel shook his head, “No, thank you, Sam.” Sam only nodded dumbly and put the coffee back into the tray. 

 

Dean, who was still confused about the whole sleeping thing, sat there without speaking a word. He hadn’t wanted to talk to Castiel since he used him. He saw Sam and Castiel’s lips move but he wasn’t listening. He was admiring Castiel; his sharp jaw, bright blue eyes, always slightly chapped lips and his constant bed head. He was beautiful. 

 

Castiel felt different, Dean couldn’t put his finger on it thought. His aura, his vibe was different, he looked smaller, more fragile and Dean would go so far as to say a bit more feminine? The thought startled Dean. He’d never thought of Castiel as feminine before. That was weird. Cas was still the baddass angel, who had dragged his stupid ass out of hell, the one that Dean had fallen in love with. He still looked like Cas. He just  _ felt _ different. 

 

Dean soon joined the conversation, his brother and the angel had been talking about the case. Passing theories about what it could possibly be. Dean was going to say something when Castiel’s stomach  _ gurgled _ . Castiel’s eyes widened, not in surprise but embarrassment? Sam and Dean looked at him worried.

 

“Cas?” Sam asked, because Dean hadn’t spoken to him for almost two months, and probably wasn’t going to start now, “are you  _ hungry? _ ”

 

“I uh,” Castiel looked panicked, “I- yes, I am experiencing hunger,” He finally admitted, ashamed, looking down at his lap. He looked so embarrassed about it that Sam didn’t question it further. “Okay then- how about we get dressed and head to the morgue, and pick up something for you on the way?” Sam asked in an over-excited voice. Sam looked over at Dean, who was still looking at Castiel. Sam kicked his brother under the table, “uh, yeah. Let’s do that.” Dean answered, he hadn’t heard a word Sam said.

 

When they had gotten dressed, they all got into the impala and head off to the closest fast food restaurant. They got Castiel a burger and fries, much to Sam’s dismay. Sam and Dean stared at Castiel as he inhaled the food like he hadn’t eaten for a week- which, unbeknownst to them, wasn’t far from the truth. 

 

They both wondered alike what was happening to Castiel; what was making him so hungry, what had him sleeping at night. Castiel finished his meal and they drove off to the morgue. 

 

~~~

  
  


“So, this is one of the bodies- I’ll bring out the other in just a sec,” The coroner said as they pulled out the first body. The bodies mutilated in almost every way possible. Skin almost completely ripped off, broken bones sticking out in many different directions and bruises covering their entire bodies.

 

“So, the causes of death were a undetermined tie between; blood loss, blunt force trauma and suffocation.” The man said as he flipped the page on the clipboard. Sam knitted his brows, “Wait, all of them? On both?” He asked. 

 

The coroner nodded, “It seem so,” He placed the clipboard on the table. “I’ll leave you to take a look- let me know when you’re finished.” He said before walking away. 

 

Sam and Dean started investigating the bodies. They didn’t notice Castiel who was staring at the bodies, his face contorted in shock and fear. Sam was the first to notice Castiel’s distress. He elbowed his brother- getting his attention. “Cas, what’s wrong?” Sam asked the panicked angel.

 

“I- I uh recognise this.” He audibly gulped, “There are markings in their bones that I have seen before.” He looked up at the brothers and placed a hand protectively on his abdomen without realizing it. “These are the marks of the Cruciamen.” He said. 

 

Sam and Dean looked at each other worried. They don’t come across new monsters often. They focused their attention back on Castiel, “What is a Croosinaman?” Dean asked, which, if Sam wouldn’t be so curious about this new species he would have been surprised Dean was talking to Castiel again.

“Cruciamen,” Castiel corrected Dean, “They feed from other people’s pain, but I thought we had disposed of them long ago.” Castiel said looking deep in thought. “You’ve tackled this before then?” Sam asked Castiel. 

 

“Yes, but then there were many of them, and there were many fatalities.” Castiel said, worried. “I understand if you don’t want to get involved-“

 

“No, we can’t just let it roam free!” Dean growled at Castiel. Sam gave him a harsh look which made Dean look down embarrassed over his dour reaction. Sam left to get the coroner and tell him they were finished. 

 

Castiel looked over at Dean who, just like him, was standing awkwardly- not sure what to do. “Dean-“ Castiel started, but Dean walked away from him; not wanting to have this conversation. 

  
Castiel sighed, he had known Dean didn’t love him in that way, but he had let himself hope- and look where that had gotten him. Dean hated him- he didn’t even wish to speak with Castiel anymore. He rubbed his swollen stomach, seeking comfort from his child. He felt the warmth from his abdomen spread through his body. He smiled, “ _ At least I have you _ ,” he whispered and started walking out of the morgue, not seeing the flash of purple in the eyes of one of the staff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any grammatical errors or any of the sort- Sorry, heh.


	4. The Cruciamen

They had come back to the motel and started doing research on The Cruciamen. Castiel knew a fair amount, but he had only been a juvenile angel at the time. 

 

Castiel had been right though, Cruciamen haven’t been seen in centuries. Sam was still able to find some information on them. 

 

They would possess other creatures and torture their friends and family- feeding off their pain. Their true forms were most often orbs of purple or dark blue light; it made them look friendlier, more approachable. They would attack anything from a dolphin to an angel. But their favourite to possess and attack were the humans. They had the most variety of emotions and were most easily manipulated. 

 

After a few hours, beer and frustration, they finally came across a spell to expel the creature and then kill it. 

 

The spell required lots of weird ingredients, but since that night Castiel’s grace tried to bond with Dean, his wings were restored- Castiel figured that it was because of the bond and so he could nurse his child. Castiel would need wings to be able to do that. Castiel got a list from Sam and head off to collect what he needed. It had been an awkward conversation trying to explain to Sam and Dean about his wings being back without saying anything that would get him in trouble. He had told them that something had happened recently that had helped them to heal. He saw Dean looked away, and he saw remorse flicker on his face. Dean knew which act had healed his wings. He must feel disgusted by Castiel, Castiel would. Dean obviously regrets what happened between them and seeing that that act had healed Castiel must absolutely repulse him.

 

With that thought Castiel flew away before any tears could escape. 

  
  
  


~~~

  
  
  


Sam had written down the list for Castiel- who could now fly again, but he found one of the ingredients quite odd. 

For the weapon, they needed a bone from a person with Israeli origins (fairly easy) and they needed to cover it in the blood of a mule, which made Dean crack up when he read it. 

 

The spell itself was a bit more complicated. For that they needed Aniseed, the bone marrow from a rabid dog, a feather from a superb bird of paradise and- what had surprised Sam the most, Blood from a fertile angel. 

 

When he handed Castiel the note, Castiel had read it over. And he looked a bit surprised. Sam thought it was because Angels aren’t like that, aren’t fertile, they don’t procreate. But Castiel nodded stoically and flown off. Sam didn’t think much about it, but it was an odd ingredient. 

 

~~~

  
  


Castiel flew all over the world looking for what they needed. He had missed flying so much. He had forgotten how amazing it was. Even though he was a little bit out of practice (he hadn’t flown anywhere for over 4 years) and his grace wasn’t at full capacity, he enjoyed immensely. 

 

He got the bone close by, a family dog had gone rabid and was put down, then buried in the garden. The feather was a bit harder, he found one though, in a rainforest in Indonesia. Aniseed was probably the easiest; he went to a witch shop where he had seen Sam and Dean stop by a couple of times. But the last one was a bit embarrassing, when he bought the aniseed he had also bought a vile, which he then filled with his own blood. He was sure it would work. He is an angel and he is with child- that kind of makes him fertile, right? Technically he was already impregnated, but this was best they were going to get.

 

He flew over to Jerusalem and got a bone from one of the crypts, a man named Yonatan Abelson. Good man, did great things in his life; helped a lot of people too. Castiel also found the blood from a mule in Israel. He flew back to the motel after gathering everything.

 

The brothers had been preparing themselves for Castiel’s return. They decided that of they were going to lure it to them they needed inflict pain on something; like a broadcast. Dean volunteered to do it, but Castiel wouldn’t let him. After a lot of convincing, Castiel got Dean to let him do it. He would heal. Castiel was kind of happy; this was the most Dean had talked to him in almost four months. They were arguing, yes, but negative attention was still attention.

 

In the evening after they had eaten, they drove off to an empty cowshed and set up the spell. They had a bowl in which they put the aniseed, feather and blood. They don’t put the bone marrow in- they’ll do that to initiate the spell. Dean dipped the bone into the maud blood and hid it behind himself. 

 

Castiel stood by the big shed doors, and started cut down his arms with an angel blade. He grunted in pain as he started slashing his chest. He purposefully avoided his stomach, not wanting to hurt his child, as he continued to cut himself. His body was healing, albeit slowly, but if the Cruciamen attacked them, he would be able to fight. 

 

Soon enough they heard someone approaching the barn. A woman, late twenties probably, stepped into the barn. She had long flowy black hair, but her eyes flashed purple as she smirked. 

 

“Hello there,” She cooed. She flicked her wrist and Sam- who was about to throw in the bone marrow, flew to the side, dropping the marrow. She walked up to Castiel who was now mostly healed and stood in a protective stance. The Cruciamen studied Castiel, she stopped when she saw his abdomen. 

 

She chuckled at Castiel, “Oh, look at that.” She placed he hands on her hips, squinting. “Wow, not even another angel’s.” the Cruciamen looked over at where Dean stood.

“Just a pointless human? You just spread your legs for anyone willing to fuck you. You slut. Bet you didn't even hesitate when he asked. Just submitted- you're disgusting.” The creature spat, strutting past him.

 

Castiel looked down, he really felt the sting of those words. She was right, he gave himself a human who didn't even want him and is now carrying his child- without his knowledge. But, there was no time to dwell on the past. Castiel growled, clenching his jaw.

 

The angel straightened up and turned to face the Cruciamen. “Hey!” He called to get her attention. But as soon as she turned back to him he called, “Sam, Dean! Now!” and they sprang into action. 

 

Sam quickly gathered up the bone marrow, ran up to the bowl, tossed it in and chanted, “ _ Innocentes ab hoc vas unum, et abierunt _ !”

 

Light rose from the bowl and shot towards the woman, hitting her straight in the back. Purple light shone from her mouth and eyes, before exiting her vessel and floating towards the bowl. Dean ran with the bone and swung at the light. As soon as the bone came in contact with the light, it shone even brighter than before, making Sam and Dean look away, and then exploded making everyone fly backwards. 

 

As the light dimmed down, the brothers were both pushing themselves into a sitting position. They glanced over at each other to make sure the other wasn’t injured.

 

Sam was the first to stand. He walked over to Dean and helped him up. They walked over to where Castiel had picked up the woman, it looked like she was okay. But Castiel, he didn’t. His shoulders were slumped over and he was looking at the ground, ashamed. 

 

Sam walked up to the angel and place a hand on his shoulder, “Hey Cas, are you okay.” He asked. Castiel didn’t look up, instead he turned away mumbling a small, “Yes, I am fine.” He walked silently towards the Impala. 

 

Sam thought about what the Cruciamen had said, ‘ _ Just a pointless human. You just spread your legs for anyone willing to fuck you _ ’. What did it mean? Maybe that had something to do with Dean’s hesitation to speak with Castiel, Sam thought to himself. 

 

He decided to ask Dean. He knew it wouldn’t be easy to fish the truth out of his emotionally constipated brother, but it was clearly troubling them both.

 

~~~

 

They had dropped the girl off at the hospital and bailed before anyone could ask them any questions. They fled back to the motel where Castiel had made a beeline to the motel room. Sam pulled Dean to the side to speak with him. 

 

Sam and Dean stood behind the impala, Dean leaning against the trunk, his arms crossed. “Okay, I need some answers.” Sam stated. “What do you mean.” Dean said with a frown. Sam gave him bitchface number 43, “You know exactly what I mean. You and Castiel. You’ve been avoiding him for the last three months. What is going on?” 

 

Dean huffed out a breath, “Nothing happened, and I haven’t been avoiding him.” He said without looking at Sam. 

“Dean, I can tell when you’re lying.” Sam told Dean. Dean looked up at Sam, but quickly looked back away. Sam kept glaring at his brother, “Okay, fine. I’ll go ask Cas then.” Sam said. Dean’s head shot up- “No!” Dean almost shouted. He looked around nervously. “No, I’ll tell you. Just don’t talk to Cas about it.”       

 

Sam raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Dean motioned Sam to come closer. Sam walked over to where Dean was leaned up against the Impala. 

 

Dean wiped a hand down his face and took a deep breath. “Sammy, I- I fucked up.” He confessed. “I was drunk and he- I don’t know. We, uh. And after- afterwards I left and- now it’s really awkward and-“ Dean blabbered, not really making any sense to Sam.

 

“Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. Start at the beginning.” Sam encouraged. Dean looked at Sam pleading eyes. Sam didn’t see his brother like this often, this must be serious. “I- uhm, it was the night all those people died- n’, I drank. A lot. Cas came into the bunker, and he smelled amazing. He smelled like apple pie and Summer. Like the sweetest thing you could imagine.” Dean said dreamy-eyed.  

 

“Dean focus,” Sam reminded him.

 

“Uh, yeah. And he helped me into bed, but the smell was so intoxicating- and, and.” Dean stammered. “And what?” Sam asked. Dean blushed a dark shade of red, “y’know what.” He said embarrassed. Sam went wide eyed in realisation. “You had sex!” He said. He knew there was something going on! Dean blushed an even darker shade of crimson (if that was even possible at this point) and tried to shush his brother. 

 

Sam’s face fell, “And then you left.” he said. “You left him, the morning after.” Dean looked away, even more ashamed of his actions than before. “He told me he loved me, that he always had.” Dean said in a sad voice. “And I take that and hurl it back into his face!” He put his face into his hands. “I used him Sammy,”.

Sam didn’t know what to say. This explains why Castiel has been acting so small. Because he’s probably miserable that Dean didn’t- well he says doesn’t, but we all know better than that- That he didn’t love him. 

 

But how did the Cruciamen know about it? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really posting these fast. Oh heck.


	5. Dreams and nightmares

 

It had been 5 weeks but, Dean didn’t talk to Castiel about what the Cruciamen had said. In fact, he hadn’t talked to him at all. Castiel didn’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. He misses Dean talking to him, but at the same time, talking to him would prove very unpleasant. 

 

Really the only person he’s had any communication over the last couple of months was his and Dean’s child. He couldn’t actually communicate with them yet, but when he’d place a hand on his stomach seeking comfort, he’d feel a pulse of heat or energy course through him. 

 

The changes in his body were taking a humanly effect on Castiel. He was starting to feel emotions on a bigger scale. He’d have nightmares and he would breakdown for no apparent reason. 

 

Sometimes Castiel would cry himself to sleep because of Dean. Because of how he could never have him to himself. The nights were Dean would go out to a bar were particularly hard. Castiel would try to focus on doing something else, but the thought of Dean being out there with some nameless woman, doing to her exactly as he’d done to him, hurt more than he could have ever imagined.

 

~~~

  
  


Castiel was nearing six months, when Sam started coming to him, trying to ask his what was wrong. Castiel would brush him off, tell him that nothing was wrong, he was fine. Sam never looked convinced at his answer, and kept asking. Dean still didn’t talk to him at this point, even when they sat in the same room. He wouldn’t even smile at him. He would take one look at Castiel and then frown. Castiel thought that he was just disgusted with the sight of Castiel, he didn’t blame him. Castiel was too. Castiel had taken advantage of Dean when he was intoxicated, just because of his stupid needs. 

 

The angel now knew that his needs didn’t matter. Only the needs of his child and the brothers. 

 

Castiel tried to fall out of love with Dean, but he just couldn’t. His hormonal body was aching for his touch. Whenever Dean was in the same room as him his wings would automatically gravitate towards him- it made Castiel very thankful that humans couldn’t see angel-wings. 

  
  


~~~

_ Castiel kissed down Dean’s neck as he straddled his hips. Dean sat up against the headboard, his hands on Castiel’s waist and his cock hard as a rock. The hunter gripped Castiel’s hips, hard. Castiel knew there were going to be bruises; he wouldn't have it any other way. _

 

_ Castiel pressed his fingers deeper into his hole, brushing up against his prostate. He moaned lewdly as pleasure coursed through him.Finally, pulled his fingers out and brought them up to Dean's face. Dean smiled as he licked Castiel’s fingers and moaned as he tasted the sweet slick. They stared at each other intensely as Dean swirled his tongue around the digits. _

_ Castiel leaned in for another kiss- which Dean responded eagerly to. He could taste himself on Dean’s lips. The angel grabbed his lovers member, pumping up and down before he raised his hips and sank down onto Dean’s cock, taking it all the way up to the hilt. They both moaned in unison, Dean’s hands holding Castiel tighter. _

 

_ “Mmmm, you’re so good for me Angel,” Dean purred, “Taking my cock like you were made for It,”  _

_ Castiel rocked back and forth, loving the fullness inside of him, he loved the burning stretch of Dean's dick.  _

 

_ “Yes- Yes Dean. Anything for you Dean.” Castiel mewled, grinding down harder. _

 

_ He pushed himself up, before sinking back down as Dean desperately thrust up into his angel. _

 

_ “Oh, so- you're so big. Ah~” Castiel said as he rolled his hips, fully impaled on the hunter's cock. _

 

_ They kept the movement going, until Castiel opened up to Dean’s cock, Dean sliding in further. Castiel moaned loudly, his head lolling back and his mouth hanging open. Dean smirked at him and- _

 

Castiel shot up in his bed. He looked around, looking for Dean when he realised, it was just a dream. His forehead was covered with sweat and he was hard. The angel's breath was coming in huffs as He tried to call down. He leaned forward, but stopped when he heard a  _ squish _ . He cringed as he realised he was sitting in a pool of his own slick. He groaned; he will never get used to his vessel producing the lubricant. 

 

He jumped out of the bed and turned to look at his bed. His pillow was almost wet with sweat and his bed sheets, well- let’s just say that they were soaked. He pulled his duvet off the bed and plonked it on the floor, since it didn’t have anything on it. He took the pillow out of the case and put it in a small pile on the floor. He crawled on top of the mattress and pulled one of the corners of the sheet off. He pulled the rest of the sheet off and bundled it up in his arms. He swiftly grabbed the pillowcase with his foot and awkwardly threw it up past his belly and into his hand that was desperately trying to keep the damp sheet from falling onto the floor. 

 

He somehow managed to open the door and started heading down to the laundry room. What he didn’t notice was the door to Dean’s room was slightly ajar, and light shone from it. 

 

Dean sat in at his desk in his room. He couldn’t sleep, well not without dreaming of Cas of course.

 

He was cleaning out one of his pistols when he heard a door creak open. He raised an eyebrow and snuck over to the door of his room. He quietly pulled it open and looked out.

 

Castiel was walking down the hall, carrying a bedsheet and a pillow case? Why was Castiel washing his laundry now? Dean wanted to go and asked him, but he didn’t feel like he should. He’s been avoiding Castiel even further after what the Cruciamen had said. He felt bad, he had seen the pained look in Castiel’s eyes when the monster had said that. The creature fed on pain, and it had fed on the pain Dean had caused Castiel. He didn’t know whether was worse; him not talking to Castiel after what happened, or leaving in the first place?

 

Dean wiped a hand down his face. He thought that he should just try to go to sleep again.

 

~~~

 

When Dean woke up, the first thing he heard was crying. Someone was crying. Dean blinked a few times and then listened, he tried to figure out where the weeping was coming from. After listening to it he realised who was sobbing. It was Cas. Castiel was sitting in his room, on his own, crying. 

 

Dean felt his stomach twist up in grief. His mind was racing; Should he go in and help him? No, it wouldn’t help- Dean’s shitty decisions was probably the reason he was crying in the first place.

 

Should he wake up Sam? Have him go talk to him- No that’s stupid. 

 

Dean felt his heart tighten. There wasn’t anything he could do. God, he was such a dick. His -whatever they were- was crying in the next room and he couldn’t do anything! 

 

_ You’re useless, you can’t even help your best friend _ , the voice in his head yelled at him. 

 

He laid back down trying to use the pillow to muffle Castiel’s cries. He couldn’t help the tears that slipped down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Whoop. 
> 
> ...
> 
> I don't know what else to say.


	6. Grigory

Castiel walked down the hallway, towards the kitchen, rubbing his 7 month-pregnant stomach. He had used his grace to conceal his ever-expanding abdomen, so the brothers were none the wiser. Sam still asked him almost daily, if he was all right. He always used the same lie, “I’m fine.”

 

He let his hand fall as he stepped into kitchen. The brothers sat at the kitchen table. Dean had cooked breakfast, and put out a plate for Castiel. They both looked up as Castiel sat down in the chair. 

 

“Morning Cas,” Sam smiled at the angel. Castiel smiled back, nodding towards the younger hunter. 

 

Castiel looked over at Dean, who was looking at him with an expression Castiel couldn’t read. The same expression he had been wearing for weeks. 

 

_ Probably still just disgusted with you _ , he told himself. 

 

They all ate their breakfast in silence, before Sam cleared his throat.

 

“Hey, I think I found a case. Bodies have been showing up in Monett, Missouri. The bodies, two females and four males, all have small cuts on them, and looked like they’d been tied down. They had bruises around their wrists and ankles,” Sam looked down at his tablet, “The victims, they had no relatives or friends; they almost didn’t exist.” 

 

Sam looked up at his brother who didn’t look convinced, “How do you know it’s not just your everyday murder?” Dean asked sceptically. 

 

“Some of these people have been missing for over five years, and the bodies don’t look more than a couple of days old. The cuts though, they vary, some are from two weeks ago and some are from three  _ years _ ago.” Sam lifted his eyebrows to try and convince his brother. 

 

“Sam is right. Your typical murderer wouldn’t go through all that trouble, and I doubt they would bother keeping them alive for over three years, Dean.” Castiel chimed in. 

 

Dean huffed out a breath, “Fine, we’ll go check it out. If this is just a murder, Sam, you’re buying groceries all of next month.” Dean agreed. 

  
  


~~~

  
  
  


They checked into a motel in Monett, and entered the room. Castiel had slept almost half-way, his child taking up a lot of his energy. 

 

Castiel put down his bag next to the bathroom door. He stretched his back, the invisible baby bump was still straining his back. It had been for weeks now. Sam and Dean had noticed, but thought nothing of it. 

 

“Okay guys,” Sam started pulling his phone out, “How ‘bout we Fed up and head to the morgue?” Dean groaned in response, not wanting to do anything after the long drive. 

 

“Can we at least get some grub on the way?” He asked, well, more like whined. Sam gave him a bitchface before answering, “Yeah, okay. We’ll stop somewhere first.” Dean grinned like a child as he grabbed his suit-jacket. 

 

They all got dressed into their suits and head out. They did stop on the way (much to Dean’s delight) at a fast food restaurant. Dean had gotten a bacon cheeseburger and soda, Castiel had that also, Sam had a salad and a smoothie.

 

They ate in the Impala, on the way to the morgue. The brothers and the angel walked into the hospital- the morgue was in the basement. People were running around, talking on phones and saying goodbye to loved ones. Dean strode over to the main desk and flashed his faux-FBI badge, asking to know where the morgue was. The man pointed them to the direction of the basement. They thanked him and made their way over there. 

 

They descended into the basement, finding another man who welcomed them. 

 

“Good afternoon, I’m Agent Thorn and these are my partners Agent Tiffany and Swanson,” Dean stated professionally, flashing his badge. 

 

“Hello, I’m Doctor Goutier,” The mortician answered, “I see you’ve come here to see the bodies that have been showing up? The ones with the cuts?” He said, his French accent seeping into his sentence. Sam nodded in response. 

 

He lead them into a big room, with steel tables across the floor and steel coolers lining the wall. There were already two bodies on the tables, so they started off looking at them. 

 

The first one was a young female, early twenties- maybe younger. She had short, very dirty, brown hair and looked like she’d been attacked by an extremely violent kitten- She had small cuts all over her body. Her eyes were closed, but she had dark circles under them. Her cheeks were sunken in most likely due to lack of nutrition.

 

The other was an older man, late thirties. He was balding, but the small hair that was there was dark blond, he also had cuts all over his body and he also looked like he had been starved. His eyes gaunt and his ribs were showing. 

 

“How old are the bodies?” Sam inquired. 

 

“This one,” Goutier said nodding to the brunette, “is about three days old- but this one,” He moved over to the man, “he is a week old.” 

 

Sam nodded, but kept speaking, “What are the causes of death?” 

 

“Well,” Goutier looked down at his clipboard, “the official statement is organ failure…” He trailed off.

 

“The unofficial statement…?” Dean inquired.

 

Goutier put the clipboard down onto the table, “It looks like they died from old age,” 

 

The room went silent. Nobody said anything. 

 

“Wait, what?” 

 

“Their hearts, kidneys and liver all stopped functioning, before death it seems,” The doctor continued, looking a bit shamefaced- but still professionally.

 

“But, there was also found traces of Serotonin in the blood stream of each of the patients,” He shrugged, “I don’t know what that means, that toxin usually thought a contributor to feeling of happiness. It doesn’t really make any sense that they were happy when they were being cut and then killed- but you need all the information you can get.” He scratched his bristly chin.   

 

Sam cleared his throat, “Well, I think that’s all we need to know, for now anyways.” He nodded towards the mortician, who stalked off, “Let me know if you need anything else,” he said. 

 

Sam thanked him before turning back to Dean and Castiel. Castiel was staring intently at the bodies, not paying any attention to Sam or Dean. 

 

“So, this sounds a lot like a djinn, but at the same time, like, not” Sam confessed.

 

Dean scoffed, “Of course it does,” He rubbed a hand down his face, “Okay, so what do we have?”

 

“Well- The bodies must have all been in some kind of hallucinogenic state when they died. Explaining the serotonin in their system. They all have small cuts on them- which we don’t know what were for. Some of the victims are older than others which means that it’s not a revenge thing.” Sam looked at the female, deep in thought.

 

“But, if it’s not a djinn that’s stealing people what is?” 

 

The brothers both looked at Castiel, “What do you think, Cas?” Sam asked the angel, who was squinting at the bodies.

 

“Well, it looks like the soul had been forcefully removed from the body. It must have somehow been removed through the cuts.” Castiel concluded as he absentmindedly rubs his smaller than usual stomach- he was still hiding it with his grace. 

 

He had started doing that just to seek comfort in the beginning, he had felt so hopeless and alone after Dean’s rejection, his grace crying out for him. But since then he did it subconsciously, he thinks it’s just to remind himself that the baby’s still there. It's there and it's safe.

  
  


~~~   
  


 

When they get back to the motel room Castiel went straight to the bathroom to relieve himself. 

 

Sam and Dean took off their suits and started doing research. Sam opened his laptop and Dean gets them both a beer and opens a lore-book. 

 

“So, Dean.” Sam begins, “When are going to start actually talking to Cas again?” He said giving his brother a crestfallen look.

 

Dean scoffed, “I don’t really think he wants to talk to  _ me... _ ” he trailed off, the sound of Castiel’s sobbing echoing in his head. 

 

“Really, Dean.” Sam asks, “Do you really think that’s the case?” 

 

“After what I did to him, yeah.” Dean said guiltily.

 

Sam gave a sigh and shook his head. He would never understand his brother. No matter how much Dean would hurt Castiel, Sam knows Cas would always come back to him. It was heartbreaking.

 

Sam opened his mouth to say something when the door to the bathroom opens. Castiel comes striding out, his hair sticking at odd angles and heavy bags under his eyes. Sam could have sworn he didn’t look that bad a couple of minutes ago. 

 

The angel made his way over to one of the beds where he promptly collapsed onto it- face down into the mattress. 

 

Sam looked over at Dean who shrugged and went back to reading. 

  
  
  


Later, Dean had put together a small map and marked down where the bodies were found. Turns out they were all in the same 5-mile radius. And guess what was in the middle- A warehouse! It was like monsters have like an unwritten rule that they’re only allowed to hold up in disgusting old warehouses not somewhere nice like a hotel, or a resort. 

 

Sam did most of the searching on the web- Castiel hitting the books- and came across something interesting. 

 

“Hey guys?” Dean and Castiel looked up from their books, “So, I found some lore on an old creature that would feed on human souls, by cutting them out piece by piece. That kind of sounds what we’re dealing with right?” Sam looked up at them expectantly, before continuing, “But, there’s a catch. They’ve been confirmed dead for millennia.” That peaked Castiel’s interest. 

 

“Wait, what are these creatures called?” He asked cautiously. 

 

“Um, there called Gri- uhm Grigori, I think-“ He was cut off by Castiel’s shock. 

 

“Hey, Cas. Is there something you want to tell us?” Dean asked softly, not wanting to startle Castiel. Castiel turned his head to Dean. He wore an unreadable expression.

 

“I think I know what we’re up against,” Castiel looked away, deep in thought.

 

“Okay, we’re going to need a little bit more than that.” Dean pushed impatiently, but Sam- who had gotten up on his feet, and stood next to Dean- elbowed him in the ribs.

 

“Um, this- what we’re facing is an angel- a rebellious one,” He said shyly. There was something he wasn’t telling them, but they didn’t push him. 

 

“Okay, what can you tell us about them?” Sam asked kindly. Castiel realised what Sam was doing and growled, “I’m not going to break, you  _ don’t _ have to treat me like a child!” His eyes glowed softly. 

 

Sam and Dean took a cautionary step back. Dean shot Sam a ‘I told you so’ look. 

 

“What I know about this angel is that they are possibly the last one alive, so we do not worry about being bested by them in numbers. But strength- these angels were the first to be sent down to earth and watch the humans, so they all got special blades. These blades aren’t like my angel blade, but more like a sword. They are very skilled fighters and Grigori is ‘Fast’ in Greek. So, you can imagine that they are quite quick.” Castiel finished.

 

Sam and Dean nodded through the entire thing and took a second to process, “Okay, so how do we kill them?” Sam asked. 

 

“Oh, that’s fairly easy. Just with an angel blade.” He paused, “The hard part is getting close enough to be able to stab them.” 

 

They decided that they were going to go to the warehouse where they thought the Grigori was hiding out. Sam and Dean packed the Impala and they drove off.

~~~

  
  


When they drove up to the warehouse the brothers and the angel decided they should separate, to cover more ground. So, Castiel being the angel of the group split up from the party. Castiel went in the front while Sam and Dean went in the back. 

 

Castiel wandered down long, dirty hallways until he walked into a big open space, where he found multiple beds. They were all empty but one, but the person on it looked pretty much dead. 

 

Castiel walked up to the bed and examined the body. It was a young girl, no older than sixteen. She long dark blue hair and tanned skin. She looked horrifyingly skinny. 

 

Castiel bent down to feel for a pulse. Nothing. She was gone. This was his fault. She was dead because of him.

 

Castiel heard a flap of wings behind him. 

 

“Hello Castiel,” It was the grigori.  

 

“Bezaliel.” Castiel turned to face him, his face scrunched up into a scowl. 

 

His vessel was a light-skinned male, with black cropped hair, and wore a suit. His face bore a smirk, not unlike lucifer’s.

 

“Long time no see,” He chuckled, “I haven’t seen you since you let me escape,”

 

Castiel growled in response. “I did not let you escape I-“

 

“Tsk tsk, little one. Lying is a sin.” Bezaliel waved his pointer finger back and forth in the air. The angel stepped closer to Castiel, scenting him. “I thought I could smell pregnant omega in the air,” His eyes darkened, “But I didn’t expect it to be naïve little Castiel. And definitely not pregnant with a Nephilim. Who’s the lucky man?” He asked leaning towards Castiel.

 

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Bezaliel- but he didn’t answer.

 

The alpha angel pulled back, “Is it that Winchester I’ve heard so much about, Michael’s vessel?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Castiel clenched his jaw, his body unmoving. 

 

“Oh, it is! He must be around here somewhere, protecting his precious cargo.” He added looking around.

 

“Leave him out of this!” Castiel snarled, glaring at the angel.

 

“So, how does your boyfriend feel about the  _ puerulus _ ?” Bezaliel questioned as he began to circle the other man. Castiel’s silence and the way he averted his gaze was all the answer he needed, “He doesn’t know, does he?” He asked before laughing. He stopped behind Castiel, stepping up really close to the angel's back. Bezaliel buried his face into the other angel's neck, taking a deep breath of Castiel's scent and placed his hands on Cas’ hips, gripping them tight. 

 

Castiel felt embarrassed, ashamed- He hated feeling like this. “Shut up.  _ Shut. Up _ ! None of that matters now!” He barked, turning around and shoving the alpha back. “Why- how are you back!” 

 

“Well, if you  _ really _ want to know.” He said raising his arms laxly. “A couple of months ago- I was practically dead at the time, only had a human or two to feed on- when I felt this huge wave of power. And I became even stronger than before.  _ All _ thanks to your parvulus. So with all that power I thought, why not widen my diet.” The alpha grinned deceitfully. He puffed his chest out in emphasis.

 

Realisation dawned on Castiel. He wrapped an arm around his middle protectively.

 

“No,” He said weakly, “No it can’t be,” 

 

“Indeed, little omega,” He laughed as he slowly made his way towards Castiel, his angel sword in hand. Castiel was to wrapped up in what his child had done- even if they probably didn’t mean to- to even think about Bezaliel raising his blade. But as the alpha was about swing at Castiel a blade was struck through his chest, light shining from the wound. 

 

As the body collapsed to the floor, Castiel saw Dean standing behind it; angel blade held in front of him.

 

“And stay dead you bastard,” Dean spat. He looked up at Castiel, worry plastered on his face.

 

Dean decided that now was a good time as ever to start talking again, they had hardly said a word to each other for months- other than; ‘Yeah, okay’ or stuff for hunts.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked the stunned angel. Castiel nodded and mumbled a small ‘I’m fine’ before stumbling off. Dean tried to catch him before he flew off, but it was too late; he was already gone.

 

“Fuck!” Dean snarled, kicking the ground in anger. He heard his brother run in, panting. 

 

“Hey, I heard some- Oh” He looked at the body, “You’ve got it all handled then?” Dean didn't answer him. The younger hunter stepped over to the girl on the bed, she was dead. Sam shook his head as he stood back up. 

 

The younger hunter inspected the open area they were in. “Um, Dean? Where’s Cas?” Sam questioned. 

 

Dean grumbled as he ran his hand through his hair. “The grigori- It said some stuff- some of it I got, some of it I didn’t really understand… Different languages n’ shit...” Dean trailed off.

 

“Dean, what is it?” 

 

“The angel could tell that Cas and I had-“ He paused, “he knew Sam, how could he have known?! How the fuck do all the monsters who even just  _ look _ at Cas know about us?!” 

 

Sam took a deep breath- none of what had happened these last few months had made any sense, but he had to try to understand.

 

“Okay, tell me exactly what he said.” Sam said cautiously. 

 

Dean looked up into Sam’s eyes, “Well, I only heard parts of the conversation, so some of it doesn’t make any sense.”

 

Dean’s eyes flicked back and forth from the floor to his hands. 

 

“He talked about how there was something I didn’t know, then Cas said it didn’t matter anymore- Sam what don’t I know?” Dean shook his head, if it was serious Castiel would have told either him or Sam about it. Dean did a double take- would Castiel come to him for help?

 

“What else? Did the angel say anything else?” Sam walked over to one of the empty beds and beckoned Dean to come sit next to him.

 

Dean strutted over to Sam and sat down on the bed. 

 

“He talked about how he had been dying, until a couple of months ago. He had felt a wave of power or some shit. Castiel looked fucking terrified.” Dean looked away, “The grigori knew that we had- that I had-“ Dean sighed. He rubbed a hand down his face. The way that the dick-bag had been groping Cas made Dean inexplicably angry; even though he had no right to be.

 

Dean straightened up and looked at Sam, “What’s a, um, what was it? What’s a puerulus?” Dean asked. 

 

Sam thought for a moment, “I don’t know, Latin maybe?” Sam shrugged, “Why?”

 

“No, it’s just the grigori said something about it- that I didn’t know about it.” 

 

Dean shook his head and stood up. He didn't want to deal with this right now. They cleaned up after the grigory; burned the bodies and shoved all the beds in a corner.

  
  
  


When they got back to the motel they found Castiel curled up on the sofa- his back facing the door. He must have come here when he'd stumbled off. They dropped their bags by the door and got ready for bed. Both of them deep in thought about what had occurred that evening 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, this is a longer chapter, I think. I don't really know what counts as a long chapter soooooooo. ANYWAYS. Here you go.


	7. Cravings for love

 

_ Castiel chuckled as Dean sat down on the sofa. They were watching an animal documentary- Castiel always loved watching the animals. Especially the bees, the way they always knew what the other was doing. The way they could communicate and would work together flawlessly. They could do such amazing things with such precision and order. They were integral to human survival, and they made the ingredient to a wonderful treat. It was how angels were supposed to function, but they had failed miserably. _

 

_ “Ugh, can’t we watch something else?” Dean complained. He reminded the angel of a child.  _

 

_ Castiel turned his head towards Dean, “Like what. What would you rather watch?” He asked rubbing his pregnant belly. Dean pulled his legs up onto the sofa as he turned his body to face Castiel.  _

 

_ “Well, you for instance.” He commented as he leaned forward giving Castiel a kiss. Okay, maybe not always like a child, Castiel thought. _

 

_  “You do lots of beautiful things Cas,” He said as he trailed kisses down Castiel’s neck. “Much prettier than any flower,” Kiss. “or animal,” Kiss. “I’ve ever seen.” He lifted Castiel’s T-shirt- Exposing his belly. “Even prettier pregnant with my fledgling,” He continued as he kissed Castiel’s stomach.  _

 

_ “Dean,” Castiel protested. He felt a pulse of warmth spread from his stomach. Dean Pushed Castiel back onto the sofa, crawling on top of him, “God, I love you.” Dean confessed. Castiel’s breath hitched, and he shot forward catching Dean’s lips in a soft kiss.  _

 

_ “I love you too,”  _

 

Castiel’s eyes snapped open. He sat up on the small sofa he’d slept on. He could feel a piece of his grace wither away. That was too real. Painfully real. But it isn’t. It never will be. He needs to accept that.

 

His lip started to quiver, and he could feel the tell-tale burn behind his eyes. He curls up on himself. Tries to be as small as possible. Castiel let out a shaky sob. 

 

These emotions weren’t uncommon to Castiel the last months- but that didn’t make them any easier for him to deal with. He hated that he was like this, so  _ weak.  _ He used to be a warrior of heaven, what happened? 

 

Dean. 

Dean happened. He fell for Dean, in more ways than one. He gave up everything he'd ever known, and got nothing but pain and anguish in return. But still, after everything, he still only blames himself. Because it was his fault, all the pain he goes through is penance for all the bad he's done.

 

He hated this. He hated this feeling of hopelessness. Tears streamed freely down Castiel’s face. He wanted to scream. But he couldn’t- Sam and Dean were in the same room. Even when he was at The Bunker, the walls were too thin.

 

But what if he could scream? What if he could find a spell to soundproof his room? It would help with having the fledgling. Both the birth and the aftermath. Castiel knew that infants and small children can be quite loud, and he doesn’t want Dean- or Sam for that matter- to find out about them.

 

Castiel dried his tears with his sleeves as he stood up. He made his way over to the small kitchen table- which still had all the lore books and Sam’s laptop from earlier. 

 

Castiel sat down at the table and looked at the books. There were mostly creature lore books on the table, but Sam thought that maybe there was some kind of witchery going on- so there were a couple of spell books too. 

 

Castiel stayed up the rest of the night searching and scanning for any spells that that looked even remotely like they could muffle out sounds. But there was nothing. He decided to continue his search back at the bunker. 

 

He thought about going back to sleep, but he didn’t want to have another dream. So, he stayed up, and cleaned up after them- they were leaving in the morning anyway. 

 

At one point while he was collecting Sam and Dean’s dirty clothes from the floor he felt hungry. There was nothing to eat in the motel room, so he decided to go out and look for a convenience store. 

He quietly made his way over to Dean’s bag and took out a wad of cash- he needed to pay for the food.  _ I don’t think Dean would mind _ . He convinced himself.  _ It is nutrition for  _ His _ Child _ . 

 

As he stepped out the door, he realised he had no clue where to find a convenience store.  _ Maybe I should ask at the reception desk _ .

 

He walked up to the desk. There was a teenage boy sitting behind the desk. He was looking at something on his phone, his face expressionless.

 

“Um, excuse me.” Castiel tried to get the boy’s attention. He looked up at Castiel, looking as uninterested as a person could be, “Can I help you?” He asked in a monotone voice. 

 

“Yes, I was wondering if you could point me to the closest Gas n’ Sip?” Castiel said, tilting his head to the side. 

 

“Uh, yeah. If you go out the exit and turn left, and keep walking until you hit the street, then it should be across to your right.” The boy said. 

 

“Thank you,” Castiel nodded at him, before he stepped out of the reception area. 

 

He felt his grace falter as he stepped outside,  _ Hm, I should probably save my grace for when I’m with Sam and Dean _ , He decided. He turned off the disguise, so now his belly was visible. He thought that people that saw him would probably think he’s just overweight, male pregnancy is not a possibility, so the last thing people would suspect is for Castiel to be pregnant. But Sam and Dean would notice immediately. 

 

That evening it was chilly. Castiel wrapped his trench coat around himself to keep warm. It wasn’t before long when he reached the end of the street. There was no traffic, Castiel figured it was the middle of the night- no one would be driving at 2 o’clock in the morning. 

 

He still looked both ways before crossing, just to be safe. He made his way across the street, before looking up to try and find the Gas n’ Sip the young boy was talking about. 

  
  


~~~

  
  


Castiel stepped into the motel room with a big plastic bag in his hands and a watermelon cradled in up against his chest.

 

He carefully closed the door behind him, as he wobbled over to the table in the middle of the room. He placed down the bag and watermelon, stretching his back. God, he couldn’t wait until his child was born- the strain on his back was getting rather tiring. 

 

He stepped over to the bag and started pulling out the stuff he bought in the store. He pulled out some cheese, nuts (Hazelnuts; the idea of eating cashews made him almost physically sick), a chocolate bar, fried onion, peanut-butter and a decaffeinated coffee with almond milk, caramel flavouring and lots of foam. Even Castiel found that odd- he usually like his coffee with cream- and cream only. But he really only wanted the coffee for the taste- not the caffeine.

 

He strolled into the small motel kitchen and found himself a large bowl, a cutting board, a knife, spoon and a fork. He sat down in front of the food he had bought. He had no idea how he was going to do this. He carefully cut open the melon and cut it into small cubes- throwing the rind into the plastic bag from earlier. He put all the cubes into the large bowl, wiping his wet hands on his black slacks afterwards. He looked at his other ingredients- contemplating on what to do next.   

 

He picked up and opened the jar of peanut butter, scooping out its contents into the bowl of watermelon with the spoon. Next, he opens the box of fried onion and pours it in, following it up with the cheese and nuts. He uses the spoon to mix everything together. Looking down at his masterpiece his stomach gurgles. He reaches for the fork and uses it to stab a piece of watermelon that’s covered in peanut butter. He takes the bite off the spoon. He can taste it, not them molecules but the melon and the peanuts- he’s turning more human every day.

 

He digs into his meal, sipping on his coffee in between bites. When he finishes the bowl, he opens the chocolate bar and chows down. Finishing his chocolate, he sighs, leaning back in his chair. He suddenly felt exhausted.

 

He fell asleep right there, sitting at the table. 

 

~~~

  
  


Dean groaned as he felt someone shake him slightly. 

 

“Dean,” Sam whispered, “Dean, it's Cas.” He said as he kept shaking his brother. Dean sat up in his bed, blinking a few times. When his vision focused properly he could see Sam hovering over him- worry plastered on his face. But that’s not all. Slouched over the table, lay castiel, snoring cute little snores. Dean got out of the bed. He padded over to the sleeping figure. 

 

The table was full of food- this guy had eaten all of them. He had what looks like a whole watermelon, some peanut butter, some type of nut, cheese? And it gets better- Fried onion. What the hell?!

 

If Dean hadn’t so concerned he’d probably have laughed. But now he was just really worried about his friend. 

  
  
  
  


Castiel had furiously apologized for everything when Dean had gently shaken him awake. He sped across the room cleaning up after himself- still muttering apologies. Sam and Dean were concerned and frankly quite confused over Castiel’s behaviour. He also looked like he needed to sleep for at least a week. 

 

Castiel scooped all the trash from the night before into the plastic bag with the rind. He chucked it into the bin and stood quickly- a little too quickly. As he straightened the world around him started to spin and he lost balance and fell onto the countertop. He felt Dean wrap his arms him, probably to make sure he didn’t lose balance again. But it helped- the nausea quickly faded and Castiel relaxed into his mate’s-  _ friend's _ arms. That’s all this was, a friendly embrace to keep Castiel steady. But Castiel could dream. 

 

Dean helped him over to his bed, laying him down across the sheets. Castiel mumbled another apology before turning over, curling in on himself and falling asleep again. 

 

Sam and Dean stood there in a state of absolute shock. Sam waved Dean over and they stepped into the bathroom- away from Castiel. 

 

“Okay, dude. What the hell is going on with Cas?!” Dean Whispered harshly. 

 

“Well, you know him better than I do!? I was hoping you knew?!” Sam whispered back. “What happened to Castiel after, y’know.” 

 

“Well, I wouldn’t know! I haven’t talked to him at all!?” Dean ran a hand through his hair, “So, you have no idea what’s going on with him?” Dean looked at his brother with a look of hopelessness. 

 

“No, but I think we should try and figure it out.”

  
  
  


~~~

  
  


A few hours later they had packed their bag and were checking out of the motel. 

 

Nobody said anything the whole way to The Bunker. The radio was playing softly, Dean humming with the song. Sam was on his phone googling anything on angels that could help them figure out what was wrong with Castiel. They’d already ruled out asking him- Sam had been doing that for months, but to no avail. 

 

Dean was replaying what he heard in that warehouse. 

 

_ Is it that Winchester I’ve heard so much about, Michael’s vessel? _

 

_ How does your boyfriend feel about the puerulus? _

 

What  _ is _ a  _ puerulus _ ? It’s probably Enochian or something. 

 

Dean gripped the steering wheel tighter. What did that bastard angel know that Dean didn’t know and Castiel wouldn’t tell him? And what could the angel have said to make Castiel that weird afterwards?  

  
  


They continued to drive the entire way to the bunker; only stopping for gas or food. As the bunker door opened Castiel raced to the library where he found all the spell and magic related books he could find, hauling then into his room. Sam and Dean shot each other a glance before Sam shrugged- at this point, nothing was weird. 

 

Dean was sure nothing could surprise him anymore- if he woke up with a tentacle dick he wouldn’t even be surprised, and what does that tell you about his fucked-up life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't posted for a while, I was traveling. But whatever, here's a new chapter! I feel like the storyline is getting a bit iffy :( please tell me what you think <3 Thank you guys for being so supportive so far though, it really means a lot.


	8. As the day grows near

 

Castiel spent the next three weeks looking for a spell that could soundproof a room. 

 

Every day he would wake up from a nightmare or worse, an amazing dream. He’d get out of bed, head to the kitchen and eat breakfast (while actively avoiding Sam’s- and now Dean’s- questions) and then go back to his room and continue his search.

 

It was on the fourth day of the third week that he found a spell that could seal his room from any noise. It was just a verbal spell- so he did not need to go out and get ingredients. He knew he was probably going to have to use his already weak wings to get the items needed for caring for a baby; he didn’t want Sam or Dean to catch him. 

 

For the spell he needed to use some of his grace, because he was not naturally ‘Magical’ and couldn’t use magic- his grace was the next best thing.

 

He stood up from his place on the floor- fumbling a bit because of the weight on his front. He walked over the back wall and placed his hand on it. He closed his eyes and chanted: “Silentio silentium ceciderit nemo audiet supplicum.” 

 

A pulse of blue emerged from his hand and spread across the wall. It must have worked! He stepped over to the wall across from his bed; And performed the spell again. The same flash of blue stretched across the wall. He continued and did the other two walls- the one with the door to his bedroom last. 

 

He wobbled over to his bed, placing the spell book on the nightstand before collapsing on the soft mattress. He suddenly felt exhausted, like all his energy had been drained- because it had. 

 

_ Maybe I should wait for a little while before using my grace again _ , he decided before falling asleep. 

  
  
  


~~~

  
  
  


Castiel had to wait 11 days before he could use or even  _ feel  _ his wings again. He decides to get the items for the baby now, before anymore of his grace depletes. He spreads his wings and takes off to the nearest town. 

 

His surroundings shift from the mood lighting of his bedroom to the cars on the streets honking at each other and people in a hurry trying to get him out if the way.

 

Castiel is standing in front of a mall, a big sign plastered on the front. ‘West Ridge Mall’. 

 

Castiel stepped inside the mall through big glass-sliding doors. Inside the mall were lots of people; Parents enjoying some time off with their children, best friends shopping for the latest trends, and couples walking around- practically beaming, they were so in love.

 

Castiel felt a pang of sorrow in his chest, looking at the happy couples. He shook himself out of the trance- he had to focus. He walked around the mall looking for a furniture store, squinting as if that would actually help. He had been walking around for a little while when he finally found one. 

 

He was about to step in, when he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. It was a small white crib, it had a small blue blanket covered in happy little bees thrown over the side of it. It didn’t look very complex and Castiel doubted it would be much work to build. He loved it. 

 

He strode into the store and looked around for anyone who could possibly help him. He was walking around in the infant section when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around to see a young man- a boy even. He had black tousled hair and bright green eyes- they reminded Castiel of emeralds… or Dean. But nothing compared to his though. 

 

“Can I help you, sir?” The man asked, his voice practically pubescent.

 

“Yes, that would be much appreciated,” Castiel began nodding, “I saw the white crib in the window, do you know the one which I speak of?” Castiel asked, the man nodded in response, “Okay, I wish to purchase it.” 

 

“Okay, that I can do for ya’.” He turned away from Castiel, and towards what looked like small desk with a computer on it. He beckoned Castiel to follow him as he walked.

 

Castiel waited as the man typed something on the keyboard. “Mm, okay. Is it this one you want?” He questioned, moving out of the way for Castiel to see. There was a picture of the white crib on the screen. Castiel nodded in affirmation. 

 

“Okie dokie, it should be by the desk on your way out. Is there anything else I can help you with?” He asked cheerily. 

 

“Uh, yes. In the window there was this bee blanket. Is there some way I could acquire it?” Castiel tilted his head in question. He  _ really _ liked the blanket, and he was sure his baby would love it too. 

 

The worker led him over to the blanket and pillow section, “I’m not sure if we have that one but, like if we do it should be here. Anything else?” 

 

Castiel shook his head, “No thank you. You have been a substantial help.” Castiel smiled. The sales worker smiled before walking off.

 

Castiel stepped up to a wired basket filled with fluffy blankets in every colour and pattern. He stroked the fabric carefully. He had fallen in love with anything soft not long after he became human, he found it comforting- and he hoped his baby would too.

 

He dug around for a little while before he found the light blue one with the bees. He tugged it out from the bottom of the basket and glanced it over. It was perfect.

 

The blanket wasn’t in any packaging, so Castiel suspected it was on sale. That was good- He didn’t want to use too much of the brothers’ money. 

 

He bundled the bee covered blanket up in his hands and head to the check-out. He walked up to the counter closest to the exit. By the desk was a dark-skinned woman with wild-curly hair. 

 

“Hello how are we doing today?” She asked beckoning Castiel to hand the blanket. Castiel compiled and she checked it through. 

 

“I’m doing okay, I guess.” Castiel bit his lip.  _ Why is he telling this stranger this? _

 

“Oh, what’s bothering you sweet pea?” the older woman asked him, crossing he arms over her chest. 

 

“It’s nothing,” Castiel tried, but the lady shook her head, 

 

“No, it isn’t. And I might be only a stranger to you, but sometimes it’s good to get stuff off of ya’ chest.” She insisted.  

 

“You’re the man with that crib, right?” The woman questioned, Castiel nodded. “Well, why don’t you tell me about what’s worrying you while we go get it, hm? You can come with me.” 

 

“Okay,” Was all that Castiel answered as she started walking around the counter, going towards a pair of doors. Castiel followed her dutifully. 

“So, what’s got ya’ so blue?” She asked as she turned, into a large storeroom. 

 

“Uh, well. A friend of mine- a  _ good _ friend of mine, I met him about 8 years ago, His name is Dean. We have been through everything together and I’ve loved him for so long. Finally, when I told him, he-“ Castiel felt bad for burdening this nice woman with his problems.

 

“He doesn’t reciprocate,” She said in understanding, turning around to face Castiel- who nodded. 

 

“The thing is, when I told him he was intoxicated, and he told me he wanted me, we were intimate. But then, the next day he told me it was a mistake and we should never speak of it again.” Castiel could feel his throat constrict. 

 

“Oh, honey bee,” The woman said sympathetically, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Some guys are just like that. But there might have been some truth to what he said that night. When you confess something, even if you’re drunk, there’s always some truth to those words. There is still hope, sugar.” She clapped him on the cheek.

 

“So, here it is.” She said picking up a square cardboard box and giving it to Castiel. 

 

They walked back to the counter, where Castiel paid for the crib and blanket. 

 

“There you go, darling- What’s your name?” She asked him, realising she hadn’t before. 

 

“Oh, it’s Castiel.” Castiel said, smiling shyly. 

 

“Bobbi,” She looked up from where she was putting the blanket into a plastic bag.

 

“Thank you for your help, Bobbi.” Castiel said sincerely.

 

“It was nothing, sweet pea.” Said Bobbi, “And it’s kind of my job y’know,” She added smiling. 

 

Castiel chuckled, “And thank you for the advice with Dean, I won’t give up hope.” Castiel said with a daydream look in his eyes. 

 

He picked up the bag and the box, thanking Bobbi once again for her service. 

  
  


~~~

  
  
  


Castiel flew home with all the stuff he had bought. He had stopped by at a grocery store and bought the rest of the infant items, he wasn’t sure he had the grace to take two trips. 

 

He dropped the bags and box on the floor before collapsing face-first into the mattress of his bed. This was really becoming a recurring theme for Castiel. 

 

Now that he was out of public he could take off the whole façade. He felt relief flood him as he made his stretched abdomen visible. He laid on his back- anything else unbelievably uncomfortable- as he thought about what Bobbi had said. 

 

If Dean hadn’t loved him, or even wanted him sexually- why did he have sex with him then? Maybe he had only wanted him sexually? The idea filled Castiel with grief.

 

But, no. That couldn’t be. Dean looked disgusted with him. he obviously hadn’t wanted to copulate with Castiel, so he hadn’t have wanted Castiel for his body. He was Dean Winchester. A straight man who had no interest in Castiel. 

 

But what Bobbi had said had him thinking otherwise.

 

  Castiel thought about this for a while before he decided that if Dean ever wanted him, in any way, Castiel would be here. Waiting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness. All of the support and love you guys left in the comments almost made me cry. You were so sweet and made me so motivated to keep writing. Thank you and enjoy this chapter and the ones to come. <3 <3


	9. Secrets kept by remorse

Dean hadn’t heard anything from Cas, not even his nightly sobbing. He didn’t know whether he should be relieved or worried. On one hand it might mean Castiel is okay again and doesn’t feel the need to cry every night- or on the other hand Castiel might not even be there at night. Dean hoped it wasn’t the latter, Castiel was getting tired much easier now- Dean had no idea why; it probably had something to do with what the angel was talking about. Also, if Castiel went out on his own and was attacked, he’s not up to full power and could easily get overpowered if he were outnumbered.

 

Castiel would still come out for breakfast in the mornings. He’d never say much- no matter how much Sam or Dean would question him. They’d asked how he was, he would say he was fine. They’d ask what he’d been doing; being locked up in his room all day. He’d say he was reading. 

 

Dean knew when people evaded the truth, Castiel was no exception to the rule. 

 

After each meal with Castiel and his reluctance to speak, Sam and Dean would work harder to find out what was going on with the angel. Every day after Castiel retreated to his room, they’d head off into the library and hit the books- searching and scanning for answers in every line, trying find something, anything on Castiel’s symptoms. They’d look through every book on angels, the men of letters really knew their stuff. 

 

Everytime Castiel left the breakfast table Dean’s stomach would twist in grief. What was he not telling them- telling  _ him _ . Dean had really fucked up this time. Castiel had come to the for help, for shelter. He had obviously been vulnerable, and Dean had taken advantage of him. How could he have done this. 

 

~~~

  
  


Castiel sat in his room, trying to put the crib together. He could not for the life of him put this crib together. He had come close on the third try but then he realised that the backboard was on backwards- then when he’d taken it all apart again he’d forgotten how he did it in the first place. 

 

After an hour of struggling Castiel had finally managed to put it together. There had been a small and thin mattress in the box with the crib . Castiel thanked, well, anyone who was listening; he didn’t have the energy to fly another trip to the store. But he did like Bobbi, she was so very nice to him. 

 

Castiel placed the mattress into the bottom of the crib, before pushing it towards the wall adjacent to his bed. He stepped over to his bed picking up the blue bee blanket, taking it over to the small crib; placing it carefully on the short wooden rails. 

 

Castiel smiled softly. This was really happening; he was having a child, Dean’s child. He could feel a weird tingling sensation in his stomach- something he had now identified as excitement. He couldn’t wait to hold his baby, nurture it and love it. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure on how to keep the child’s existence a secret from the brothers. He would have to tell them eventually, sooner the better. But he just couldn’t, he didn’t know how. 

 

He couldn’t walk up to Dean, “Hello Dean, I am pregnant and am having your child. I apologize for that I had kept this from you.”

 

Dean would ‘freak out’ as he’s said many of times. Castiel was sure that he’d send him away, just like he did when he was human. He didn’t want to live like that ever again. Even though he’d long forgiven his for that he was still scared it would happen again.

 

Castiel shuddered at the thought of his life as a human. He was slowly turning human now, but at least now he had the Winchesters and the bunker. This time he was  _ safe _ . 

 

He knew he had turned soft over the years- turned human. But even at moments like those while he was a human; he wouldn’t change it for the world. 

 

But sometimes the guilt was overwhelming. Castiel just wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry. And there was a period of time where he would. He’d find an alleyway with a sideways dumpster to shelter him from the rain, and he’d just break down. He used to be an angel of the lord; and oh, how far he had fallen. Castiel still thought like that from time to time.

 

But there was no time for such, he had an infant on the way. He was sad that he had to keep them a secret, he wanted to share them with the world. He wanted everybody to know about this beautiful life he and Dean had created. But that was not an option, if the angels knew, they’d find them and kill them- they would wait for the child to be born before the brothers and then Castiel, if he didn’t die in childbirth. 

 

Castiel took a deep breath and straightened up. He will not let the angels find his child and he would not let them hurt the Winchesters; any of them. He put a protective hand over his expanded abdomen.

 

Even if it killed him.

 

~~~

 

This was killing him. 

 

Castiel sat on the edge of his bed, deep in thought. He had to tell Dean, anything else was unreasonable. How was he supposed to keep a newborn baby a secret? He’d sound proofed his room, but would that be enough? He’d still have to feed them, bathe them among other things and not all of them he could do in the small guest room he had taken as his own. 

 

He stood up from the bed and started pacing. It was not long until they would be born. He could feel it in his grace- what was left of it anyway. They would be born in a couple of days- he couldn’t pinpoint the exact day though. If he told Dean now and Dean would kick him out, what would he do? Would Dean let him have his child in the bunker? Or would he laugh at him and tell him to leave,  _ he’d _ kept this a secret; this was  _ his _ fault. 

 

Castiel stopped and took a deep breath, rubbing his belly. He felt the baby kick in response. He smiled. No matter what happens, whether Dean kicks him to the curb or not, he would always have his child. His little baby. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter, but I promise the next one is a long one :)


	10. Stories and tales

Castiel wandered the long halls of the bunker, in search for Dean. He was going to tell him- if Dean wasn’t too busy. Maybe if he caught Dean and told him while he was in a good mood, he’d let Castiel leave  _ after _ he’s had their child. 

 

He walked into the library where he found Dean, sitting by one of the tables. He was on his laptop, surrounded by newspapers.  _ Probably looking for a case _ . 

 

Dean looked up from his computer and he heard Castiel shuffle into the library. 

 

“Hey Cas,” He greeted, smiling towards his friend. Castiel savoured the moment- if this went how Castiel thought it went, this would be the last time he sees that smile. Castiel smiled back, “Hello Dean,” He said fondly. 

 

Castiel ambled over to the table and sat down across from Dean. 

 

“Are you looking for a case?” Castiel asked, his gruff voice even deeper from the lack of use.

 

“Yeah, Sam’s also looking for one but apparently Samantha needs her coffee.” Dean said, huffing out a laugh. Castiel loved Dean’s laugh, just as much as he loved his smile. 

 

“Uhm Dean,” Castiel spoke after a moment of silence, “What was it like for you growing up? Before Azazel?” Castiel asked softly, he knew that this was a touchy subject. 

 

Dean froze, “Uhm, well. I remember my mother. She was kind, the kindest woman I’ve ever known.” Dean began, a smile forming on his face. “My mother used to make me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches- but she’d always cut the crust off, she knew how much I hated it.” He chuckled. “We used to play cars together, dad too if he wasn’t busy. She’d bake the most delicious apple pies you could ever imagine. I would give almost anything to have even just a slice of one of those pies,” He finished with a daydream look in his eyes. 

 

Castiel smiled at Dean, he sounded so at peace. That was the life he deserved, the life he should have had. But instead he’s felt greater pain than any person should ever feel in multiple lifetimes. Castiel fought the urge to reach forward and stroke down Dean’s jaw. 

 

“Do you ever wish you had that; a family, wife and kids?” Castiel said as smoothly as possible. 

 

Dean chuckled, “I used to, and trust me I’ve tried living out the apple pie life. It didn’t work out. And for kids. No, I used to, again, but hunting, this life, it's no place to raise a kid. I would rather die than bring an innocent child into this world.” Dean finished.

 

Castiel suddenly felt ill, he couldn’t breathe. He felt his heart crumble into a million pieces. How could he tell Dean now, he had just stated that he’d rather die? And Castiel was just going to tell him that he was expecting? Castiel was about to open his mouth to say something when someone stomped into the library.

 

“Hey Dean, I found a lead on that case we were talking about and-“ Sam stopped in his tracks, “Was I interrupting something?” He asked. Castiel tried to answer, but Dean beat him to it. 

 

“Uh no.” Dean answered quickly. Sam looked at them suspiciously. When Castiel shook his head, Sam nodded and sat down. 

 

“So, people have been going missing in the town up north in Casper, Wyoming. I didn’t think anything of it until now.” Sam opened up his laptop again, and read, “Body was found last night, Monday the 22 nd of January. The victim, Alexandra Rivera, 26-year-old female. Victim’s throat had been ripped out, leaving the police baffled.” He finished.  

 

“Sounds like a vampire to me,” Dean stated, folding his arms over his chest. 

 

“Yeah, me too.” They sat in an awkward silence before Sam spoke, “So… Imma’ go pack a bag and I’ll meet you guys here in fifteen?” Dean nods and Sam stands up and heads towards his room.

 

Dean and Castiel sit there in silence, neither knowing what to say.

 

“So,” says Dean, standing up from his chair. “You coming?” 

“Uh, no. I think I’ll sit this one out.” Castiel confessed. He couldn’t risk going into labour during a hunt; He could get the brothers killed.

 

“Oh, okay.” Dean said, sounding almost disappointed. “Well, just call if anything happens. Or if you just wanna talk or something,” Dean mumbled that last bit. He wasn’t sure Castiel had heard it until he saw Castiel smile sweetly.

 

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel walked up to Dean, and standing on his toes; giving him a small kiss on his temple, before shuffling away back to his room.

 

Dean raised a hand to his head where Castiel had kissed him. He smiled before he jumped up, punching the air in happiness. Maybe the relationship wasn’t ruined! He smiled all the way back to his room.

  
  


~~~

  
  


Castiel was overjoyed, Dean hadn’t pushed him away! Maybe Bobbi was right, maybe Dean cared about him still. Castiel’s smile faltered as he remembered what Dean had said earlier. It would have been hard to tell him even if Dean  _ wanted _ kids; now it would be impossible.

 

_ Oh father, what am I going to do? _

 

He decided that maybe he should do some research on Nephilim- Just for reference.

 

After he heard the bunker door slam shut, he made him way into the library where he searched high and low for anything about Nephilim. He couldn’t find much but he found one book with a single chapter on them- and for some reason all the books on angels were gone. Castiel didn’t think much about it and sat down at one of the tables. He had been stuck doing all his research on the floor of his bedroom; it was nice to be able to sit at an actual table. It had gotten hard to stand up.

 

He opened the book and flipped to the chapter on Nephilim, writing down things that he thought were important. 

 

A lot of the things stated, Castiel knew already, but some he had forgotten due to his love for his child. Nephilim are powerful creatures, and supposedly very dangerous. But Castiel couldn’t imagine his child being malevolent nor hazardous. He had seen its soul, it was so pure, so bright. 

 

Castiel had met a Nephilim before- He had killed her without mercy, casting the angles from heaven. Could that happen again? If it was possible to perform the spell again Castiel would not let it happen. He had promised himself that he would keep his and Dean’s child safe- No matter what. This time he would not fail Dean.  

  
  
  


~~~

  
  


Sam looked over at his brother who was almost beaming, as he sped down the highway. “Who’d you have sex with?” Sam teased. 

 

Dean sighed, “Cas,” his eyes widened as he caught his mistake, “I mean- I talked to Cas” Sam snorted.

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

Dean blushed as he took one hand off the wheel to punch his brother lightly in the arm.

 

“So, what did he say?” Sam inquired. 

 

“Nothing- he just told me he was going to sit this one out.” 

 

Sam raised an eyebrow- Castiel not wanting to join them on a hunt was not something ‘El macho Dean’ would ever get all giddy over. “Okay and?”

 

“And nothing! God Samantha you’re like a teenage girl!” 

 

“ _ Really _ , am I the one who’s been blushing and grinning the entire drive over something Cas  _ didn’t _ do?” Sam retorted. Dean took a defencive stance in the driverseat 

 

“It isn’t anything- It’s just, I don’t think Cas hates me anymore.” Sam scoffed in response, “What?!”

 

The younger hunter shook his head, smiling. “Dean, nothing you could  _ ever  _ do could  _ ever _ make him hate you.” He stated. 

 

Dean opened his mouth to protest, but he realised that maybe Sam was right. Dean had done so much to Castiel, caused him so much pain- but he always came back. Dean felt an odd sensation in his chest; it was a mix between sorrow, regret and confusion. 

 

How could Castiel ever love him? He is the royal fuck-up of the universe and everyone close to him get hurt- or worse, killed. Cas of all people should know. He’s gotten the front-row seat to it all. He’d lost his family, his home. And when he had fallen, become human, he had been in his most vulnerable state and Dean had turned his back on him; kicked him to the curb. Castiel had even died for Dean (He used to try and convince himself for the cause of greater good, but now he knew better). 

 

How could Castiel, after all this hurt even look at Dean? But he did- He stared at him with more affection than Dean thought possible. Dean didn't understand it. He hadn’t missed the longing glances Castiel shot his way when he thought Dean couldn’t see him. 

 

And now with all of that in the mix, Dean was more worried than ever about Castiel’s loss of Grace. Was it a side effect of sleeping with a human? He’d slept with Anna, and she was fine- granted, she had already fallen. 

 

The rest of the trip was driven in silence; both brothers deep in thought and worry about their friend.

  
  


The vampire nest had been easy to find, giving them more time to research Castiel’s condition;  _ after _ the decapitation of a couple of bloodsucking parasites.

 

When they came back at about 11 o’clock they both sat down in an unfortunately familiar position; sat at the small motel table, surrounded by books and scrolling down though websites filled with lore. They searched all night, but again, to no avail. 

 

Dean growled in frustration and slammed yet another book shut. 

 

“Dean calm down-“ 

 

“No! We’ve been looking through these fucking books for weeks and we haven’t found a damn thing! Cas could be dying for all we know, and we can’t do jack-shit about it!” Dean stood up from where he sat and stomped out the door; grabbing his jacket and keys on the way out, “I’m going out,” 

 

“Dean-“ Sam attempted, but his brother was already out the door.

 

Sam rubbed his hands down his face. He sighed as he closed his own book. 

 

He knew that Dean blamed himself for this. Not just because he carries the world on his shoulders, but- Sam had worried about the same thing- Castiel’s grace had only started depleting after he, slept with Dean.

 

_ Maybe it did have something to do with that _ .

 

Sam pulled his laptop over, and opened the browser.

 

About forty minutes later, Sam had gone through almost everything he could find about angels mating; and he’d read things he’d never even heard of, and some things he never wanted to hear again. But he kept reading. If there was a chance this could help them help Cas, then he could endure some gruesome and violent details about angel mating. 

 

That’s when he found it. Something about angels not being allowed to mate with humans. He had skipped it before, because he didn’t think it was important. But now he knows there is more to the mating thing than he previously thought. 

 

He clicked the browser link:

 

‘ _ A couple hundred years ago, an angel- Miniel she was called. She was stationed on earth to watch over humanity. She was among the youngest of her garrison and, an omega. She had fought hard to get this far, as a lower class angel- but she finally managed to get stationed on earth. _

 

_ But one day she met a human, whose soul was the most beautiful thing she had ever laid eyes upon. She became his protector and guarded him with her life; in turn made her not return heaven’s calls. She was torn- should she rebel? She had worked so hard for this position and to just throw it all away… _

 

_ She asked herself- Is he truly worth it? And yes, he was. She truly believed that he could return her love for him. So, she went against all of heaven’s rules and fought by the human’s side. _

 

_ Over time she fell more and more for the human, and one faithful day, she told him. He laid with her, and she had never been gladder. But, then the human realised that he wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment; and he renounced her. The problem was her grace had already started to mate with him. So now she not only had to live with is rejection, but she also had to learn how to be human as her grace faltered with the loss of her mate. _ ’

 

This felt eerily familiar to a couple he knew. Sam read through the description. It talked about how this was a wise-tale told by angels. How the hell did this website know?

 

Apparently, this was one of many stories found in a book, one that was found by an archaeologist- turned Supernatural researcher. He had his own website. 

 

Sam found Alexander Frederickson’s web page, where he talked about all the things he’s found. If Sam didn’t know any better he’d think this guy was a hunter. 

 

He decided to give him a call; he needed to find out if this story was true. It might be the key to what’s wrong with Cas. 

Sam dialled the phone number he found at the bottom of the page, it rung a few times before a man with a gruff voice answered.

 

“Hello, who is this?” The man, presumably Alexander, asked. 

 

“Um, I'm Sam and I, uh, I need to ask you about one of your discoveries.” Sam attempted, without sounding awkward. 

 

“Ah, I see. Which one is that?” 

 

“A book, the one with the angelic stories?” 

 

The line went silent.

 

“Who are you again?” 

 

Shit, “I’m, uh,” Sam cleared his throat, he didn't think he needed to lie for his one, “I’m Sam Winchester, and I need your help.”

  
  


~~~

  
  


Turns out Alexander had worked with hunters before- but never with or about angels

 

Sam gave him a highly edited version of the situation they were in. The researcher told Sam that the book, was in fact real. He had found it in Northern-Luxembourg, in a big abandoned house. It had been covered in runes of all kinds and was full of mystical items; commonly used for warding, tracking and healing spells.

 

He had found a body in the living room, she had been stabbed in the gut and laid sprawled across the floor. But that wasn’t the weirdest thing- Next to her were two mangled wings, burnt into the wooden floorboards. The body looked ancient- but it was somehow still whole.

 

He had found the book next to the body, it had been open on the page with the story Sam read earlier. The angel must have been reading it.

 

That’s how Alexander got into the supernatural business. Sam was utterly dejected; the story was true. Castiel was literally dying of heartbreak. Sam would laugh if he wasn’t so worried- Dean wasn’t going to take this very well.  

 

He was bad enough  _ thinking _ it was his fault; What was he going to be like when he finds out it actually is. 

  
Sam thanked Alexander and hung up. Sam paced the room as he thought. If he told Dean, he was going to get pissed and possibly off himself.  _ But _ , if said he hadn’t found anything yet- and then start looking for a way to help Cas without an angry Dean getting in the way! It would take some lying and forward planning, but he could get it done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter, as promised. Sammy's finally figuring out what the hell is going on ;)


	11. My little baby

Castiel laid in bed, book in one hand and the other rubbing his protruding stomach. He felt like he was going to explode. There was this constant ache that was just worsening as the day progressed, he just had so much anxiety for the child’s birth. It could go one of two ways; he could give birth to them without much bother, or something could happen and both he or the child could die. But, no panic, right?

 

Castiel put down the book on the nightstand, he couldn’t do this; he decided to get a cup of tea or something to try and calm his nerves. But as he reached the door, pain surged through his lower half. He gasped in pain and surprise.

 

It wasn’t anxiety. The baby was coming. Castiel hadn’t prepared anything! He staggered as fast as he could to the chest of drawers next the crib; pulling out a couple of towels- he wasn’t exactly counting. Castiel cried out as another wave of pain surged through him. He needed to find his angel blade.

 

He looked around his room, his head shooting back and forth, as he tried to remember where he put the blade. The pain was getting worse. 

 

He breathed in and out as he tried to think. He whipped his head around to the chair in the corner of the room. The angel blade sat conveniently on top of some folded clothing. 

 

_ Aha _ , Castiel thought as he shot forward grabbing the blade and hurrying to the bed. He knew he had to wait until the contractions were closer apart before he could do anything. He placed everything down on the bed, preparing his child's arrival. 

 

He started pacing back and forth, taking deep breaths; he could do this. He knew that right now his body was expanding his hips to make the birth possible. And even though is hurt something awful, it was much better than the alternative.

 

Finally he started counting the minutes in between his contractions. It was almost impossible to try and focus, because that small time he got between the agony he was faced, he wanted more that anything to just sleep. But he kept counting. 

 

Thirty-seven minutes. Thirty minutes. Twenty minutes. Seventeen minutes. Fifteen minutes. Ten minutes. Eight minutes. Five minutes.

 

He sat down on the mattress and pulled down Dean’s grey sweatpants he had borrowed; tossing them to the side.

 

Castiel sat on the bed, knees up in the air, for what felt like a millennium- painful contractions coming and going. He screamed in pain, thanking anyone and everyone who was listening that Sam and Dean were off on a hunt.

 

He clawed at the walls and fisted the sheets. This was the most painful thing he’d ever done; and he had to do it alone. He felt the contractions get only a few minutes apart, he was fully dilated. He had read that this was when he should start the final step; Pushing the child out.

He tried to distract himself with green eyes and freckles as he pushed.

 

The lights flickered as he cried, pushing as hard as he could. He felt his insides splitting as something forced its way out. He threw his head back and shouted out curses. He cursed his father for making childbirth so painful. He cursed Dean for doing this to him, and not even stick around to see it through. All the anger he should have felt when Dean left him on that bed, was exiting his body now as he punched the wall to his right; cracks forming in the plaster. The fucker had mated him, gotten him pregnant and them fucking left. He ignored him completely- walking away at any attempted made by Castiel to speak with him, and went back to sleep with other women as if nothing had happened. Here Castiel was giving birth to  _ his fucking child _ and where the fuck was he! Gone. That’s where he was. He. Wasn’t. Here.

 

He screamed and swore, tears streaming down his face. He couldn't do this. He was going to fail, yet again. He was going to die and his child with him. He was going to mess this up somehow. He just wanted it to be over!

 

And just like that, it was over. Relief flooded through Castiel’s entire body. He panted in exhaustion and let his arms drop to his side. Castiel breathed heavily.

 

The angel reached over and picked up the slimy and bloody human being. He bounced her a couple of times, patting her on the back until she gave a shrill cry. 

 

Castiel cried with her, but they were happy tears. He had done it; his beautiful little girl was born. The little angel he had been waiting for had arrived. He rocked her until her cries turned to coos. 

 

He pulled back, holding her in front of him, “Hello,” He sniffled, smiling at her. She drooled a bit, Castiel took it as a response. He picked up the angel blade and severed the bond his grace had with her. He could feel the last few ounces of grace turn more numb; there wasn't much left.

 

She had a small tuft of crazy, black hair and when she opened her eyes slightly, Castiel could see a sliver of green in her eyes. That’s odd, he had read that children don’t get pigmented eye-colours until they’re about 8 or 9 months old. She was special, Castiel huffed out a laugh.  _ Yeah she was. _

 

He pulled her close to his chest as he used one of the towels to dry her off- wrapping her in a smaller cloth. Castiel breathed in her scent, humming to keep her calm.

 

“I guess you should get a name?” He tried to think. He didn’t want her to have any connection to heaven, so she needed a human name. And then it hit him, it was so obvious.

 

He looked down at the now sleeping newborn, “Mary.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! A baby is born! 
> 
> Super short chapter, but SUPER DUPER important lol. 
> 
> Next chapter will probably be up tomorrow or the day after.


	12. Keep it secret, keep it safe

  
  


Castiel woke up a couple of hours later to a loud wail coming from Mary. Castiel blinked a couple of times before picking her up from where she laid beside him. 

 

_ Is she hungry?  _ He thought to himself. It was worth a try. 

 

He pulled out his wings, cocooning them both. He saw the small strands of grace flowing from his wings to Mary. She stopped crying for a little bit, before she started again.

 

_ She’s half human, maybe she also needs human food. _

 

He decided to try and get to the kitchen, he was getting hungry too. But first, he needed to clean up. 

 

Castiel rocked her until she had calmed down, before he placed Mary on the bed next to him and leaned forward, to try and assess the damage. His vessel was not exactly created to carry children, so his grace formed a sort of channel for the child to come out of. Castiel saw the dim blue light as his broken grace tried to heal the wound. 

 

He grabbed another towel and tried to clean up the blood and other bodily liquids that followed. Castiel hurried because Mary’s cries had started again and they hurt his heart. He got cleaned up and made his way to the chest of drawers- which was where he hid the baby formula. 

 

He got dressed into some loose sweatpants- he ached in his lower half, and didn’t want anything touching it. He picked up the shrieking child and bounced her in one hand and walked out the door- holding the formula in the other. 

 

He prepared the formula like the packaging instructed and poured it into a bottle; cringing the whole time because Mary was  _ still _ crying. He quickly walked over to where he had placed her on the table, and started to nurse her. As she started to feed she stopped crying. Castiel sighed in relief. 

 

She didn’t finish the bottle, but she stopped drinking; her tiny hands pushing the bottle away. Castiel put it down by the sink before burping her. Castiel didn’t really know how to take care of children before- but now it seems to come so naturally to him. He chuckled. After 38 trillion years his Omega instincts were finally kicking in. 

 

She fell back asleep as he made his way back to his room. He placed the sleeping infant in her crib kissing her on the forehead before tip-toeing out of the room- not wanting to wake her up. 

 

He strode back to the kitchen, he was starving but he knew he had to clean up after himself first- otherwise the brothers might come home, find it and send them away. He couldn't let that happen. At least, not yet.

 

He washed up the bottle, placing it by the sink before trying to find something to eat. He didn’t really know how to cook, so he just found some bread and made a sandwich. 

 

He ate in peace, finishing his food before taking the bottle and formula and making his way back to his room. 

 

He opens the door carefully and steps inside. He places the bottle and baby-formula on the chest of drawers and almost leaps into bed. He was still exhausted from Mary’s birth and really wanted to sleep. 

  
  


~~~

  
  


Dean was stumbling down the street- drunk as a skunk- thinking about Cas. They were out here, on this stupid hunt, and Castiel could be dead, laying in a pool of his own coughed-up blood. Dean shivered at the thought of coming back home to the bunker and finding Castiel dead on the floor. 

He hadn’t picked up anyone at the bar- since he didn’t want anyone but Cas anymore. He had stopped doing so a little while after the Cruciamen. He had finally accepted the fact that he really did love the angel. The  _ angel _ that was probably going to  _ die  _ because of his  _ stupid  _ decisions.

 

He was wobbling down the pavement when he felt a wave of light, bubbly energy course through him, completely sobering him up. 

 

Dean shook his head as he straightened up.  _ What the hell just happened?! _ Dean looked down at his hands before looking around. He hoped to see Castiel standing there, telling him he shouldn’t drink so much and then mojo him sober; but, he turned around to face nothing. 

 

Castiel wasn’t looking at him tenderly as he scolded him. Castiel wasn’t fine, he didn’t have his mojo, and Dean couldn’t save him. 

  
  


~~~

  
  


Castiel woke up to loud cries coming from Mary’s crib. Again. Castiel groaned as he sat up, pain shooting through his abdomen. He stood up carefully and stepped over to the crib. He grunted as another wave of pain rushed through him. The angel clutched his abdomen and grimaced. His minuscule amount of Grace wasn’t healing him that fast. 

 

He saw Mary’s eyes turn white as he felt a flow of nice, light grace course through him, numbing the pain. Castiel smiled down at his little girl, who now babbled at him excitedly. 

 

Castiel reached down to pick her up, as she continued to blubber at him. “Thank you, beautiful.” Castiel cooed. 

 

Castiel decided he should probably dress her. He strolled over to the dresser, carrying Mary in one arm. He picked out an adorable little onesie, which was yellow with little duck on the front. 

 

He placed Mary and the onesie on the bed. She was so tiny. If Castiel hadn’t known better he would almost be convinced that she had been born prematurely. But somehow she looked more developed that normal at the same time. Her eyes had opened and she had the ability to smile. He attempted to clothe her, chuckling as she wiggled around. 

 

As Castiel finished he picked her back up and hugged her, “You don’t know how much I love you.” He whispered kindly. The angel held Mary out so he could look into her eyes.

 

“No matter what happens with your father, no matter what happens to me or you, remember; you are beautiful, amazing and the best thing to ever happen to me.” Castiel was in tears. He stared adoringly at his daughter, who was gnawing on her own fist. He couldn’t believe it. He was holding his child. He had waited for her for months. And she was finally here. It seemed so unreal. 

 

There was nothing he wanted more than to tell Dean, show him how magnificent their baby daughter was, but deep down he knew it would only end in tears; not happy ones. But that was a worry for another time.

 

He gave the girl a small kiss on the nose as he picked up the bottle he had heated back up and fed her. She finished the bottle this time.

 

Castiel stepped over to the nightstand and picked up his phone with one hand. He wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep. He turns his phone on and sees its been about two or three hours. Castiel blinks. Wow, he must have been exhausted. 

 

He unlocked his phone, texting Dean,

 

_      **How is the hunt progressing?** _

  
  


He walked over to Mary’s crib and placed her in it while he waited for a reply. He slowly walked over to his bed and sat down. 

 

**_Milk run._ **

 

**_What are you doing up?_**

  
  


Castiel raised an eyebrow before he realised it was 11:30 in the  _ evening _ . He bit his lip.

  
  


**_I couldn’t sleep, why are you still awake?_ **

 

**_I couldn’t sleep either_ **

  
  


Castiel had heard that before,

 

**_You were drinking…_ **

 

Castiel prayed for Dean to deny it like it was the craziest thing he’d ever heard.

 

**_You know me so well, don’t you?_ **

  
  


Castiel sighed, putting his head in his hands before texting back. 

 

**_Dean,_ **

 

**_I know, I shouldn’t drink so much._ **

 

**_But the thing is,_ **

 

**_While I was drinking I felt this weird power surge through me and then I was sober._ **

  
  


There was a pause.

  
  


**_I was hoping it was you, it felt like angel magic_ **

  
  


Castiel looked over at Mary’s crib and smiled. She knew. But then Castiel was filled with grief.

 

**_I wish it was me, there was a time where I could do that,_ **

 

**_Cas, man, don’t do that to yourself._ **

 

**_But it’s true, isn’t it._ **

 

There was no reply. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, Dean is feeling a bit guilty hmmm o_O 
> 
> (Also the whole "Cas' heart hurts because of Mary's crying" - I did that because that's what I've heard it's like for mothers that I know)


	13. Secrets revealed

 

Castiel stared at the pencil as he focused as hard as he possibly could on moving it. Before his fall he could move entire mountains, now he couldn’t even move a damned pen.  

 

He sat down on his bed; head in his hands. He felt hopeless, he just didn't know what to do. He was useless to Dean. He didn't have his powers anymore, what else did he have to give?

 

He stood up and paced his room quietly; not wanting to wake up Mary. He thought for hours, days even, before he came to a conclusion. He should leave. He knew his welcome had only been temporary anyway. If he left now, Dean wouldn’t have to kick him out; no bother and no residual guilt or pity. But he also slowly realised he couldn’t take Mary with him, he couldn't do that to her. He had no way of providing for himself, how could he take care of her. Castiel wished he was stronger. That he would be able to give Mary the life that she deserved. So she could grow up to be brave and loving as her father. But the best thing for he would be to stay.

 

She was safe here in the bunker. She was safe here with the Winchesters; they would protect her. 

 

Castiel sat down at the small desk in his room. he pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, and started writing.

 

~~~

  
  


Sam sat in the library as he studied books about falling and fallen angels. He had found nothing, and he felt guilty about keeping Castiel’s condition a secret from Dean. 

 

He pushed the book he was reading away, placing his head in his hands. 

 

Dean hadn’t gotten any better at dealing with his emotions as he was in the past. Sam thought about pouring out all the alcohol, but Dean would just get pissed and go and buy more. There was absolutely no point.

 

Sam sighed as he lolled his head back, letting his eyes fall shut, 

 

“Heya, Sammy,” Sam shot up looking at his brother; who carried a six-pack of beer in his arms as he stepped into the library. 

 

“Uh, hey Dean,” Sam said, carding his hand through his hair. 

 

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Dean raced to the notepad Sam had sitting next to him and read it. Sam’s eyes widened as he realised what he had written on that notepad. 

 

Dean read what the notepad said and Sam saw as Dean’s face hardened. 

 

“Sam, when did you find this.” He asked sternly.

 

“I, uh-“ He panicked, he didn't know how he could possibly cover this up. He sighed in defeat, “When we were hunting those vamps a couple months ago,” Sam hung his head. He went to try and defend himself when Dean started again.

 

“Why did you not tell me about this?” Dean questioned, “How could you not tell me that Castiel’s condition was ALL MY _DAMN_ _FAULT_!” he barked. 

 

“Because I knew you would react like this Dean!” Sam countered, “You weren’t sure if you had anything to do with it, and you still drowned yourself in alcohol! What the hell did you expect me to do!” Sam had stood up at this point. 

 

Dean seethed with anger, but instead of yelling or throwing punches he only huffed and turned on his heel, walking away.

 

The younger hunter scoffed and eyed his brother, “Where are you going?!” 

 

“I’mma go talk to Cas,” Dean grunted, not even sparing Sam a look.

 

Sam started to go after him, “Dean, no-” He tried, but Dean was already down the hall. 

  
  
  


Dean pounded on the door, “ _ Cas! _ ” He shouted. There was no answer. He opened the door with little finesse. The room was empty, which sent alarm bells ringing in Dean’s head. He looked around the room panicked. The drawers of his dresser were open and empty. That’s when Dean realised what had happened. 

 

Cas was gone. 

 

There were cracks in the walls and his bed was unmade. Only lamps were lit and when he tried to turn on the light, he noticed the lightbulbs were shattered. What the hell! Where the fuck did he go!

 

But before he was able to storm out, Dean heard a small wail from his left. He shot his head around, looking for the source. The crying was coming from a small crib up against the wall. 

 

He slowly crept up to it. In the small bassinet laid an equally small, baby.

_ A baby ? _

What the fuck. Why was there a baby in Cas’ room? He stepped up to the crib more confidently now that he knew it wasn't a threat. He picked up the infant; rocking her until she stopped crying. Her wails soon calmed down into gurgles of curiosity. 

 

Dean couldn’t help but smile softly as she started to reach her hands out, as if to grab his face. 

 

“And who might you be?” He asked, but as he did so he noticed the envelope that had been lying next to the child. He placed her back down and grabbed the letter. 

 

The letter had ‘Dean’ neatly written on it; Dean knew immediately that it was Cas’ handwriting. He opened it and read,

 

**‘My Beloved Dean,**

**I regret to inform you that I am leaving.**

**I have realised that the only reason I am allowed by your side is that I am was useful. But now I have fallen again and am of no use to you any longer.**

**This might come as a little shock to you but I'm sure you'll get over it soon enough. You always do, as you should**

**But since you've found this letter means that you've probably found our daughter.’**

Wait, daughter? _Our_ , daughter?!

 

**‘The reason I have left her with you _,_ is that the life I will lead after I leave the bunker, the places I will go, they're no place to raise a child. Not one with such a beautiful and bright soul; it's just a beautiful as yours. It would kill me even more than leaving her, for me to take her with me and something to happen to her.**

**Please, Dean. You and Sam, please take care of her. You need to keep her safe. Show her all the love and affection I will never be able to give her. Remind her every day how much I love her. Remind my baby every day that she is strong and she is worthy.**

**Thank you Dean. For letting be stay by your side for so long, even after I screwed up our relationship; you let me stay here in the bunker. It was more than I deserve, and my gratitude is forever lasting.**

**But now it's my time to say goodbye, to you and Sam; say goodbye to Mary.’**

 

**Goodbye my almost lover,**

**_Castiel_ **

 

The hunter was frozen in shock, “Cas…” he breathed. He looked down at the babbling infant. She pulled her toes up to her face, before letting them go so they could return to their original place.

 

Dean was distraught, he had driven Cas away. Like he always does. Goddamnit Winchester! He was about stomp out of the room in anger. He wanted to throw something, break something, he needed to find Cas and kick him in the ass. The stupid fucker though it was his fault- of course he did. But as he went to turn around he stopped and looked back down at the infant covered by a small blue blanket with cute little bees. It was so Cas like.

 

He stared at Cas’ daughter- no,  _ their _ daughter. It hit him like a freaking truck. What the ever-living fuck. No. No, no, no. It couldn't be,  _ she  _ couldn't be. But he could see it; she had black hair on her head and her bright green eyes shone as she looked up at him. Her tongue sat awkwardly in her mouth, he could tell- she opened and closed her mouth as if to accommodate for it. He huffed, furrowing his brows. He was so confused. Not only that, he was  _ scared _ .

 

How did Cas have a baby? How did Dean not notice? When was she even born?  _ How _ was she born? How the fuck did Dean get Castiel pregnant- that's what must have happened, right?

 

That sentence echoed in Dean's head.  _ I got Cas pregnant. I got him pregnant and then left. He was alone. I missed my own daughter's birth. FUCK. _

 

There were a million questions flying through Dean head. He wanted to be angry but he was filled with remorse. This was like a stupid soap opera. One night stand, turned unplanned pregnancy. It was almost comical.

 

He looked down at the baby; at Mary. He laughed humorlessly. Cas had named her Mary. Of course he had. Dean picked Mary up and pulled his her close to his chest, any trace of anger dissipated and turned to complete and utter adoration for his new family member.

 

Suddenly Mary started crying, and at first Dean didn't really know why, but he soon realised. You never  _ really _ forget a shrill cry of hunger. 

 

He looked around. Could, uhm, was Cas able to nurse her or…

 

That's when Dean spotted the baby formula and bottle. He still wasn't sure whether Cas had bought that for Dean to find or if he had had to use it himself. He shook his head, deciding he could just ask Cas when he found him. And he  _ was _ going to find him.

 

He held Mary close as he grabbed the powder and raced out the door. He walked down the hallway towards the kitchen as he read the back of the packet for instructions.

 

Dean stepped into the kitchen and started working on the bottle. He placed Mary on the counter, so she was sitting. How old could she be? She's already able to sit. 

 

_ Did I really miss that much? _

 

She cried for a few second before she started laughing, her hand gravitating towards something behind Dean. Dean turned around when he heard a quiet ‘what the hell?’

 

Sam was standing in the doorway in to the kitchen, staring at the small, drooling baby sitting on the counter. 

 

“What- uh, where did- who?” The younger hunter stammered, his eyes blinking rapidly in bewilderment. 

 

Dean laughed wistfully, “Sam, this is Mary.” He began. Sam opened his mouth to ask for a little more detail, but Dean continued. “Mine and Cas’ daughter,” 

 

A thick silence fell over the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, what?” asked Sam, seriously confused. He walked over to where Mary sat on the countertop. She waved her arms up and down in excitement as he got closer. 

 

Sam carefully picked up the energetic child and held her out in front of him. Now that he’d gotten a closer look, he could see the different aspects of both her parent; She had raven-black hair and vibrant green eyes, perfect cupid's bow lips and sharp, almost pointy ears. He pulled his niece closer and looked over at Dean.

 

“How did this happen? Did he?” Sam gestured towards Mary and Dean nodded, “Dean... I saw that he had gained weight but this...” He commented, absolutely dumbfounded. Dean shrugged with a frown upon his lips.

 

“I don’t know, I found her in Cas’ room” Dean looked down at the bottle in his hands, sighing, “He left a letter about how now that he doesn't have any mojo left, he thinks we don’t need him anymore.” Dean gave Sam the bottle he had heated up and sat down at the table. Sam started feeding Mary and Dean placed his head in his hands. 

 

“Dean, this must be what was happening to him. There's never been a case of a human impregnating an angel before. Cas was the first angel in history to do so.” Sam said mostly to himself, not noticing Dean's look of consternation.

 

“The- the first e-ever?” he asked, dread seeping into his voice. “Shi-" he was about to swear when he looked over at his daughter, nope. No swearing around Mary. He sighed instead.

 

“Sam, he left. I drove him away.” He dropped his head back into his hands. He knew this would happen- he knew Castiel would leave him eventually, but he didn't think it would be because  _ he _ felt like he was unworthy. 

 

Sam looked at him apathetically and moved over to the table to sit down, “Dean, this isn’t your fault. Despite what you may think.”

When Mary started pushing the bottle away, Sam placed it on the table and stood up. Dean looked up at his brother as he strode over to him and placed Mary on the table so she was sitting, in front of him.

 

“We'll find him Dean. Until then, take care of my niece,” Sam finished as he left the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter y'all (why am I saying y'all? I'm not even American) 
> 
> We're getting pretty close to the end of this fic so prepare your tits


	14. A Family?

Castiel pulled his coat tighter around is body in attempt to keep warm in the freezing temperature of Topeka. He had forgotten how hypersensitive the human body was to the cold.

 

His heart felt heavy from what he'd left behind. Dean still held his broken heart and his body still yearned for his touch. It had been semi-manageable when he was still in Dean's presence, but now the withdrawal symptoms are getting worse. Not to mention not being able to hold and be around Mary.

 

He longed to be able to see her. He missed her so terribly. But it the fact that she was safe in Dean's hands came as a small comfort to him.

 

He looked up at the sky. Stars were sprinkled across the dark sky in beautiful patterns, each pattern having such a big history behind it. He remembered when he could see the stars themselves. He saw them as they were born into to the world and as they died, leaving this plain forever.

 

He sighed as he came back to reality. The harsh truth that he wasn't an angel anymore, he was barely human. What even is he? 

 

He was an abomination. A monster who had hurt his friends- his  _ family,  _ on so many occasions; and would probably continue to do so. He had tried doing good, but he failed, time and time again. The only good things he ever managed was saving Dean from the tight grips of hell, and then Mary. Creating her, carrying her, birthing his beautiful ray of sunshine. He couldn’t risk her life, he messed up too frequently. 

 

It was actually good that he's leaving. It's better for the ones he loves. Sam, Dean and Mary would be better without him and his bad judgements and mistakes.

 

He walked down the dirty streets, seeking shelter for the night. No matter how hard he looked, he found no safety from the dingy roads and sketchy men and women smiling and staring at him hungrily as he walked past.

 

Soon he gave up and walked down a dark alley, too tired to keep going. He checked behind himself before leaning up against the brick wall, sliding down in exhaustion. 

 

He closed his eyes as he leaned his head back against the cold concrete. He was freezing, but he could do nothing about it. He head wa killing him, the headache having been there since about an hour after her left.

 

He finally laid down, deciding that he should get some sleep. He needed some rest after the emotional devastation the day had brought.

  
  


~~~

  
  


Dean watched as Mary played around with the toys he’d gone out and bought. He laughed as she looked up at him, reaching out towards him, as if to give him the toy. Yup, this was most definitely Cas’ daughter, he thought as the baby tilted her head to the side and looked at him with her big green eyes.

 

He sat down in front of her, graciously taking the toy from her. She smiled a gummy almost toothless smile. She had started teething probably a little before Castiel left so Dean had to rush and figure out how the hell to deal with that. He smiled and laughed as he started playing with her. He always knew he was good with kids, but having a child of his own to play with was a different experience. 

 

A sigh escaped his lungs when he pulled back, admiring the wonderful little person sitting in front of him as she stuck the toy in her mouth, gnawing on it.

 

He wished Castiel were here to enjoy this with him. She was his baby too. He stood up from Mary’s small baby matt and sat down at the library table, only a couple of feet away. He opened his laptop, googling the nearest cities. Around the bunker were only a few places in walking distance; Olathe, Topeka, Shawnee, Lenexa and then Kansas City. He doubted that Cas walked all the way to Kansas City, so he thought he try a tracking spell in some of the other places first. 

\----

  
  
  


“Hey, Sam?” Dean called from the library into the kitchen.

 

“What?” His brother yelled back. 

 

Dean stood up, stepping to Mary and picked her up. “Could you keep an eye on Mary, I’m going down to one of the storage chambers and I don’t wanna take her down there with me.” 

 

Soon enough Sam walked into the library holding a bowl of yogurt, “Yeah okay, I can do that. I’ll just eat in here.” He nodded, placing his bowl on the table. He turned to Dean, taking Mary out of his arms. He smiled down at his niece who gurgled with happiness for getting to be with her uncle. 

 

Dean smiled at them before turning away, about to go down stairs, when he hears a whine of unhappiness. He goes to turn around but he hears shooshing as Sam speak; “No, It’s okay he’ll be back. He’ll be back.” 

 

Dean walks away smiling more than he thought he ever could. 

 

~~~

 

Dean stepped into the storage chamber where they kept ingredients for witchery, spells, things like that. He pulled out the sliver of paper he had written the tracking spell to find Cas.

 

He read over the list once more. For the spell he needed some myrrh, human blood and holy water. He had the water upstairs and he obviously always had the blood at hand- literally. The only thing he had to grab for the rest of that spell was myrrh. For the other spell he needed a few more things that took a little while to find in the giant mess that the storage room was.

 

When he had collected all the items, he made his way back up to the library. He couldn’t help a smile when he heard Sam talk to Mary with a baby voice he hadn’t even known existed. Mary babbled back excitedly before squealing with delight. That was when it really sunk in; he had a daughter. He and Cas had a daughter. There was a tiny human being (or not so human) in the other room. A living, breathing  _ baby _ he had helped create. And he couldn’t be happier about it- now he only needed to find Cas and dragged his ass back to The Bunker. 

 

He stepped back into the library to see Sam throwing Mary into the air before catching her again. Mary was screaming in glee as she flew up into the air. Sam’s yogurt was long forgotten on the table behind him. His brother must have heard him walk in because he stopped and turned towards him, smiling.

 

“Look who’s back, look Mary; daddy’s back,” He cooed at the baby in his arms. She gurgled happily as she made grabby-hands at him. Dean smiled brighter as he placed the bowl and the ingredients in it on the table, and made his way over to his daughter and brother.

 

“Hello baby girl.” He said pulling her from Sam’s arms, bringing her close to kiss her on the nose. The affection Dean felt for this little bundle of joy was unchartable. He had only known of her existence for a month but he wouldn’t hesitate to go to hell and back for her; quite literally.

 

He sighed as he remembered how much Castiel loved her, his letter had made that much clear. Once again the angel had sacrificed his own happiness for another’s. This cruel world didn't deserve Castiel, didn’t deserve his kindness and good will. 

 

Dean placed Mary back on her playmat and turned back to the bowl of ingredients he’d placed on the map. He emptied the bowl on the table and sorted the items into two piles. Sam stood next to him, observing Dean. 

 

“So, how is this, uh, tracking spell gonna work?” the younger brother asked. 

 

“This first one it gonna tell us which city Cas is in, then I’m gonna make one of those maps that can tell you where someone is, or where they’re going. Y’know, like the one in Harry Potter.” Dean added, ignoring Sam’s smirk; so what if Dean had read the Harry Potter books, fuck you.

 

Dean drew a sigil on the table, then placing the bowl on top of it. He picked out three pieces of myrrh and put them into the bowl. He picked up a small knife he’d taken with him from his room and sliced his palm, clenching his fist over the bowl so the blood dripped onto the myrrh. He grabbed a rag and wrapped it around the wound. He next took the bottle of holy water, pouring the final ingredient into the bowl.

 

“ _ Zod ah mah rah na ee es lah gee roh sah, _ ” He chanted in Enochian. 

 

A puff of smoke rose from the bowl. Sam waved his hand and coughed. Dean was still. 

 

“Did it- did it work?” he choked out in between coughs. There was almost complete silence, the exception being Mary babbling softy in the background, but then Dean spoke,

 

“Yeah, I know where he is. He’s in Topeka, a few miles out. Now we just need that map,” He confirmed. Dean stepped over to the pile of papers, looking through it before picking one out. He unfolded the map and read it. 

 

“Yes, this is the one of Topeka.” mumbled Dean, deep in thought.

 

“Dean, Topeka is a decently sized city. Are you sure this is gonna work?” Sam questioned sitting down next to his niece on the floor of the bunker. “I mean it’s gonna be pretty hard to pinpoint his exact location with this method.” He said, picking up Mary, who was gnawing on a little ghost toy. He pulled Mary up into his lap, but she started to look a little tired.

 

Dean looked over and noticed how sleepy his daughter was. He stepped over to where Sam sat and gestured for him to hand her over to him.

 

“I think it’s time for someone’s nap, isn’t it?” Dean cooed as Mary yawned. She nuzzled up against her father’s chest, he small chubby hands fisting his shirt. Dean smiled down at her, his heart melting at the sight.

 

He walked out of the library and down towards Castiel’s room. They had decided to keep Mary’s crib and the  rest of her meager belongings Cas had bought her in the angel’s room. They’d discovered not long after they found Mary, that Castiel had soundproofed his room. Dean had beat himself up about that before breaking the spell. Even though they had the baby monitor, knowing Dean could always  _ hear _ her was comforting to him.  

 

After Dean had put Mary to sleep he slipped out of the room; keeping the door slightly ajar so he could hear her and returned to Sam in the library.

 

Sam had picked up the child’s toys and put them in the small box they stored them in. He had also picked up the mat and folded it. It now sat next to the toybox. It looked odd next to the witchcraft items on the table with it. Dean chuckled, but his smile soon fell. He needed to find Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff? I'd forgotten what that even was. It might make Cas' self-loathing hurt less... or maybe not.


	15. Found

“ _Homo invenire oportet, date mihi_ _nomia potes credere. Ostende mihi Castiel.”_

 

The middle of the map caught fire and soon spread to the rest of the map. But instead of burning to ashes, the map was now painted with the streets of Topeka as it was before, and the additional name written in one corner.  _ Castiel _ .

 

“It’s hones in on the person it’s bound to,” Dean explained, looking at Sam smugly. The younger brother nodded, impressed at Dean for finding this spell. 

 

Dean looked at the map. Castiel didn’t seemed to be moving. He couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or bad. He looked at Sam, rolling up the map.

 

“Sam,” He spoke, “Sam, I’m gonna have to ask you stay here when Mary and I leave.” Dean told his brother. He looked up into his eyes with a pleading look; Sam understood immediately and nodded. 

 

“Okay, but you call me when you find him- He’s my friend too.” 

  
  


~~~

  
  


Dean fastened the fucking impossibly complicated seatbelt on Mary’s car seat. He decided to keep the seat in the front, he knows it can be dangerous, but Baby doesn’t have any airbags and Dean didn’t think it would be safe for him constantly having to turn around to see if she was okay. This way he can see her at all times and keep his eyes on the road.

 

Dean had fed Mary before they left. It wasn’t a long drive to Topeka, but he also had to  _ find _ Cas in the city. Better safe than sorry. He had the map, but it could only show him so much. It would find an area, then he’d have to look in said area himself. 

 

Mary fell asleep about five minutes into the drive. Dean was relieved, her sleeping during car rides is better than her screaming her head off. The radio was on, but only on a low volume. 

 

Dean was worried. He was worried about Cas. Was he okay? Where was he staying? Did he have any money on him? He must have, he knows he has needs now,  _ human _ needs, like hunger, thirst, sleep. He reached behind himself and grabbed the map, unfolding it in front of him.

 

Castiel’s name hadn’t moved since he’d checked last. He still wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad. On one hand, this meant that he was in the same place, which made it easier for Dean to find him. But on the other,  _ why _ hadn’t Cas moved. Was he hurt? Had something happened? Was he still alive?

 

_ Of course he’s still alive _ , he growled at himself. Castiel wasn't dead, he couldn’t be. Mary needed him. Dean needed him. He couldn't die thinking he wasn't one of the most important people in Dean's life. 

  
  


~~~

  
  


As Dean drove towards where Cas was on the map, he realised that this wasn’t the “Good side of town”. He licked his lips and he scanned the streets for his friend. There were a lot of people, and most of them either drunk, high or both. Dean reached over and pulled Mary’s blanket up further over her seat; even as a baby, he doesn’t want her seeing this. Neither does he want anyone seeing her.

 

Dean drove around the same area for what he felt were hours. When he was just about to give up, he spotted a flash of tan sneak into a small alleyway. It was a long shot, but he needed to be sure. He quickly parked the car, hiding it from the people stumbling down the streets.

 

He got out of the car and locked it, making sure Mary was out of sight. When he’d assured himself she was safe, he started walking towards where he saw the tan-clad figure. 

 

As he stepped into the backstreet, he heard rustling of plastic, and glass breaking. He carefully crept up to the figure. He must have stepped on something, because suddenly the figure shoots up.

 

“Who’s there?” a gravelly voice asks. 

 

Dean stepped closer, “Cas?” he questions the man. He sounded like Castiel just, colder, more distant.

 

“Dean?” Castiel stepps out from the shadows. He looked awful; his cheeks and eyes had sunken in, he had a beard- not unlike to the one he’d had in Purgatory, and he looked tired. Dead tired. 

 

“Dean, what...What are you doing here.” his face was hard and emotionless. 

 

“I’m here to get you. Please, I’m sorry Cas, so sorry.” Dean pleaded, he knew that if Cas left he would be damn stubborn about coming back. 

 

Castiel chuckled dejectedly, “You abandon me, break my heart, my  _ soul _ , and all you have to say is sorry?” He stated simply. 

 

Dean’s heart crumbled, “No, Cas-”

 

“Don’t  _ Cas _ me, Dean.” The ex-angel growled. He almost ran over to where Dean stood, anger in his eyes. He raised his fists as if to strike the hunter with all his might.

 

But to Dean's horror, his fists landed weakly on his chest. The angel screamed, he sounded in agony. He pushed himself away, his chest heaving, “I hate you.” He stated.

 

“I want to hate you so bad. I want to hate you enough to make your disgust for me bearable. But- I-" he sighed.

 

Dean walked up to his friend, Castiel didn’t step back, he holds his stare into Dean’s eyes. The hunter reached up and placed his hand on Castiel’s jaw. Only them does Castiel avert his eyes. 

 

“Cas. Man, I don’t find you disgusting, I could  _ never _ . You are important. You're needed. I  _ need  _ you!”  

 

Castiel seethed with anger, ripping his chin out of Dean’s hand.

 

“That’s the whole point Dean. I was  _ useful _ to you. You  _ needed,  _ me. And I was okay with that. I’d do anything for you, will do everything for you.” Castiel stepped away, his hands gripping his hair.

 

“Cas-” Dean attempted to get through to him, but he snapped around and snarled at him.

 

“ _ No _ , Dean Winchester, let me finish.” Castiel looked into Dean’s terrified green eyes.

 

“I have done everything,” he began softly, “I did everything to keep you safe, I started wars in your name. And I became your enemy, because living in a world with you hating me is better than living a world without you in it. It killed me, but I needed to keep you safe.  _ Always _ , keep you safe.” Castiel smiled, pain evident in his eyes, “I gave you everything I had to give; I gave my Grace, my family, my  _ life _ ,”

 

The angel shook as he got worked up again, “I gave you my heart and soul. My very being, Dean Winchester. I gave you my virginity. I carried your  _ child _ !” He screamed, tears streaming down his face. He collapsed down onto the disgusting alleyway pavement. Dean rushed to his side, wrapping his arms around him. 

 

“Now I have nothing left to give,” Castiel whispered so quietly Dean almost didn't hear it. 

 

Dean held the former angel close as he shook, sobs wracking his body. He shushed him softly, rubbing his back in circular motions.

 

Soon Castiel’s cries turned to sniffles and he stooped shaking. He shifted in Dean’s arms to look up at the hunter through wet eyelashes. The knot in Dean’s stomach tightened at the sight of his angel. 

 

“What- what more do you want from me…?” Castiel asked weakly, grabbing Dean’s shirt, holding it as if it was his only life line. 

 

Dean reached his hand up and combed it through Castiel’s wild hair, “Nothing, baby. Nothing, just you.” He told him, his own voice cracking as a tear slipped down his face. 

 

They sat there, in each other’s arms as they both calmed down. Dean pulled Cas away to look into his eyes, “Castiel. I am so sorry for all of this. I’m so sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for not being there when you had Mary. I should have and I wasn’t and I’ll never be able to make up for it. Leaving you there on that bed was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I've been so bad to you; I've hurt you more times than I can count. You’ve given me everything I could ever ask for and more and I wish this would have been different, but now, seeing you and Mary,” he shook his head dismissively, smiling sadly. “I may not have been there before, but I promise that from now on, I am never leaving you again. I know that this doesn’t make up for everything I’ve done and  _ not _ done, but just know that I love you and I will prove myself to you. There will be times that I fuck up, but I’m- I’m trying.” Dean stated, watching as Castiel’s eyes scanned Dean’s face for sincerity. Soon, he smiled at him.

 

“Thank you Dean. You don’t know how much that means to me.” He shot forward, hugging Dean tightly. The hunter returned the embrace. This was where Castiel should be; cradled in his arms, not out on his own, scrounging up food and desperately seeking shelter for the night. 

 

Dean kissed the top of Castiel’s head before the angel pulled away. He looked up at Dean, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but,” he paused, “Can I, uhm...Can I kiss you?” he asked shyly. Dean smiled warmly.

 

“Angel.” He said as he leaned in, capturing the smaller man’s lips with his own. 

 

The kiss was perfect; it was everything Castiel had remembered and more. The hunter’s soft, plump lips against his. The only difference this time was the lack of whiskey on Dean’s lips to trick him into wanting Castiel. This wasn’t a ruse, this was Dean, his mate, his  _ Alpha _ .

 

Castiel felt Dean’s tongue prodd at the seam of his lips, and he immediately allowed him access. Dean licked into his mouth, Castiel moaning at the sensation of having Dean all to himself- even if it’s just for now. 

 

The angel whined when Dean pulled away. The older Winchester chuckled as he stroked his thumb over Castiel’s lips, that were now swollen and wet from Dean’s ministrations. Dean felt prideful at Castiel’s dishvelished look. Both were panting when Dean helped them from the ground.

 

“I brought you something from home,” Dean told Castiel. The angel cocked his head to the side. “Wait here, Angel.” The hunter said smiling.

 

He ran across the street, Castiel watching him go. He waited for a few minutes before Dean returned. He held something in his arms.

 

Castiel’s heart stopped when he saw what his lover was carrying. His eyes filled with tears once more as Dean brought Mary over to where Castiel stood.

 

The former angel’s hands shook as Dean handed him their child. He pulled her close to his chest as he cried. He had missed her so much- it was close to absurd. The few parenting books he had read said that separation would be hard, and with his omega instincts, it just made it worse.

 

Dean watched as the angel was reunited with his daughter. He cried with Castiel; seeing his family together, happy… it was amazing. He never thought he would have this.

 

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Castiel. He petted his hair, Castiel’s breath slowly evening out. The small family stood in each other’s arms for a while before Dean pulled away. Castiel looked up at him, smiling warmly. Mary cooed with glee. She recognized Castiel and wiggled around in happiness.  

 

“Thank you Dean.” He whispered, looking down at his baby girl, “I missed her so much…”

 

Dean lead them both out of the alley, still holding Castiel close. As they crossed the street Castiel hid Mary by pulling her close to his chest and holding her head. 

 

His heart leapt up to his throat when he spotted the Impala across the street. She was just as beautiful as the last time he saw her. 

 

When he saw the Infant seat in the passenger seat he stopped in his tracks. The seat had Mary’s bee blanket and a small ghost toy Dean must have bought for her. 

 

“You- you bought this for her…?” Castiel asked shakily. Dean stepped away from Castiel to move the seat into the back, so Castiel could sit with him.

 

“Well, yeah. She's my daughter. I'll buy her anything.” he smiled. Castiel felt his insides melt at Dean’s sincerity. He  _ really  _ wanted this. 

  
  


Castiel walked to the car and placed Mary in her car seat. He was about to buckle her up when he looked at the belt. His eyes went wide with confusion. Dean laughed at Castiel's shocked expression and placed a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Lemme do it, babe.” he said. Castiel nodded and stepped back, watching Dean buckle Mary up intently. When Dean finished and Mary was strapped in he looked back over at Castiel, who looked even more confused that he had when Dean started. The hunter laughed and wrapped his arms around Castiel hummed contently.

 

The two of them got into the car and Dean turned the ignition. He didn't start driving, he only turned towards his lover. “You hungry?” he asked him. He wasn't sure if Cas had had any money or had eaten anything in a while. 

 

Castiel smiled, “Yes please. I haven't had much money for food so I haven't eaten much recently.” He said with a sigh. When Castiel saw Dean's jaw clench he reached over, placing his hand on Dean's. Dean looked over at the angel and gave him a worried glance. 

 

“Dean, this isn't your fault. I _ chose _ to leave.” Castiel said. He leaned over and placed a kiss on Dean's lips. “And I'm _ choosing _ to come back.” He murmured against his lips. 

 

Dean's hand slowly moved up to the back of Cas’ head, his fingers tangling in the stray curls. Castiel took what he'd learned and licked Dean's lips. The hunter opened his mouth, letting Castiel in. A battle of tongues began, both of them battling for dominance. In the end Castiel let up and gave Dean the control. The angel moaned loudly but the two froze and pulled away when they heard a giggle from the back seat. 

 

Dean laughed, “Right, our baby.”  Dean pulled the handbrake as Castiel blushed. As the family drove off Castiel's stomach growled and he looked down at it before looking forward

 

“Food, we need food.” He said determinedly. Dean smiled in response, “Yeah, we'll get right on that. What do ya want?” he asked.

 

Castiel furrowed his brows at Dean, “What do you mean? I just told you. I'd like some food,” he hesitated, “please?”

 

“No- that, that’s not what I meant. I just. What would you liked to eat?” He rephrased. Castiel blinked twice. 

 

“Oh,” He smiled sheepishly, “Well. I’m not sure. We should probably go somewhere Mary could have something- She gets hungry very easily.” He paused, “Just like her father.” he adds with a smirk. 

 

“Hey!” Dean sputters. Castiel laughs, his gravelly voice a soothing sound. 

 

The hunter’s breath get caught in his throat. It was only now that he realises he’d never actually heard a genuine laugh from Castiel. It was beautiful. He was gonna make sure he’d hear it everyday from now on.

 

This was a new beginning. A new era of Team Free Will’s lives. 

 

“Come on, let's go home.” he looked at Castiel who smiled at him and then over at Mary who wiggling awkwardly trying to get her toy in her mouth. “All of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. We've finally made it to the end of this fic. The ending is a bit weird I think but I didn't want to unnecessarily drag this out, so here you go.
> 
> Thank you guys for all the enthusiasm and support during the making of this. I've actually had so much fun writing this and seeing all of your reactions in the comments! 
> 
> If you guys wanna check out my tumblr (Small self-spon), and tell me what you think or maybe just to say hi, "Itslovelysunshine" is the place to come. Love you guys <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, new fic- wow.
> 
> I've written a fair amount of the chapters before hand, but don't be alarmed if I don't post for a long while; i'm forgetful and lazy! Any tag you think are missing please let me know in the comments below, Thanks <3
> 
> Please enjoy and thanks for reading (or the other way around, whatever)


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